Election Fever

Posted on

Dear Voters,

My best wishes for the candidates from different parties and congratulations for all voters who are participating in Local election after 20 years holding on 14th may, 2017. I am not sure whether many candidate can have access to this blog or not but I cannot stop myself from sharing my thought regarding the election candidate of Kathmandu metropolitan city. I have been reading/watching interviews, article, news, clips in social media, mixed thoughts, criticism, inspiration regarding mayor candidates in Kathmandu city, Nepal. As a youth it is my responsibility to think about nation.

Today, being judgemental I have my vote to Rajnu Darshana. I have considered her as’

  1. Brigham Young – ‘ You educate a man ; you educate a man . You educate a woman ; You educategeneration.’ We have seen many experienced, educated and good political background candidate. Its us we should judge whom we want to taught. Or leave it for Rakshasic nature same face politicians. (Rakshasa does various sorts of harm and injury to others for their own selfishness)
  2. . She is representing whole nation. She  stood up to fulfill the pending task of Kathmandu Metropolitan city from decades and to heal the importance of “Metropolitan”. She is dreaming nation without carrying anyone’s philosophy (i.e Marxist, Guevara, Rousseau, Mao, B.P. Koirala, Ganeshman, any martyrs, or anyone) which in a sense also proves that she has hot blood of patriotism, which encourages many teenager to make platform rather than dreaming abroad.
  3. “Vote for the candidate who cares our interest.” But this time we should not forget the suffering and many problems which we are facing every moment while we are walking in the pavement of the city or any office. The hassel which we are facing is because there is leakage, leakage of system, coordination and management. We are not ready to accept this digital age. We care our interest, we want “MY” task to accomplish, we want “MY” house to be modern. We hardly dream “OUR” nation to lead. This is the right time to begin and accept the youth and female leadership.
  4. Capitalism is dynamic formation and destruction by self. Ranju Darshana is already far from all these dirty game instead of match fixing she is ready to work together, she do not have to fix the matrix between opposition parties or businessman. 

  5. Daily newspaper and television interview proves that she is coming with limited dream which can be fulfilled in her Mayor lifeline. Her words, opinion, and masterplan are not Subsistence-based, Feudalism, Capitalism, Communism or not even not Socialism. Her simple vision is to make our dream come true. Wow!! Kathmandu.
  6. Why, we are not ready to accept change? Are we still in the same early male-dominant society? Limited female are born in the world who dare to come in-front of the Nation. She is one of them. It is possible only if we be in her place and think that is my dream too, let’s be proud with Ranju Darshana’s step. We voted Anuradha Koirala for CNN hero, we voted Prashant Tamang for Indian Idol, we voted for Pushpa Basnet for CNN hero. It is true if we want we will make it. Let’s join our hand, let us give her platform to make our dream city.
  7. “This leaf cures cancer.”
    “Cut down all the trees, patent and synthesise that sucker.” This is what we were taught in the past. Let’s save the tree, let it spread and let’s many more youth engage in the development of the nation. We are looking for role model for our nation. We must address her courage, attitude, self-esteem, enthusiasm, her lively interest to build the nation. We have heard hours long speech, manifesto, constitution and 17,8-00 killed still 1,300 missing in the name of civil war in Nepal (1996-2006). Unfortunately, till today morning headline we are compelled to read news of corruption and different agreement which is unhealthy for the nation. Isn’t it is time to begin from youth? 

  8. Let’s not be mean to stand for Ranju Darshana, she stood to bring change in the nation, she is smart, have courage she could have easily gone abroad and settled her, she can easily engaged in job, she can be TV host, she can easily get any chance in the movie, she can be public speaker, or many more opportunities she could get. Leaving all the opportunities that could make her life much more easier she stood for the World. Knowing the hurdle, she stood to wipe tears of bereaved parents, and courage for youth.
  9. It is possible, as an example Sadiq Khan become mayor of London. Among all English candidate he won the election. Tomorrow Ranju Darshana will won the election. My best wishes is for Ranju Darshan. #VoteRanjuDarshan

My best wishes,

Train of Thought

Image Posted on

We all are aware about the history, we should feel the pain in everyone’s heart and how cruel people can be while they are forced to do some cruel act. It sounds so good and feels so good to kiss in chick, or just to drink cocktail sitting in the bar with dim light.

There is the big discussion and voice regarding “Women’s right around the world” many feminist writer wrote article regarding “Women’s rights equality”, “Feminist movement”, “Suffrage movement”, many “Women’s rights organizations” (also called feminist organizations) have formed many prototype ladies are in the society, Harriet Beecher Stowe the American author’s best-selling (in 1852) novel “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” who raised the voice regarding slavery. This novel touristed in America regarding antislavery movement. Emmeline Pankhurst founded the Women’s Social and Political Union (WSUP) raised voice regarding equal voting rights with men. Pankhurst even sit on chain hunger strike in UK, finally law was passed, unfortunately she died three weeks before her success. Portrait of Anne Frank house, story of her life while working at German occupation, at the age of 13 during second war while hiding on second world war 2 was sold more than 30 million copies, also has been translated into 67 languages. Simone de Beauvoir’s feminist philosophy “The Second Sex” analyzed the treatment and perception of women throughout history, Vatican put this into The index of Prohibited books. Rosalind Franklin’s is a British chemist and x-ray crystallography revealed the structure of the DNA. Cleopatra (69-30 BC) defended Roman Empire from expanding Egypt. Boudicca in 1st Century AD is inspirational leader of the Britons (ancient celtic people who lived in Great Britain from the Iron Age through the Roman and Sub-Roman periods).

There is many example of “maternal filicide” who deliberately kill their children. It is not common to kill own children either putting them in the microwave or killing and keeping them in the cardboard box. Megan Huntsman killed her six infant in ten year (1996-2006). China Arnold, of Dyton, OH the reason behind killing her three kids putting them in the microwave is argument with boyfriend regarding biological father of her child.

It’s been more than a ages still it’s normal to miss you. It is my habit to feel you that you are side by me in my difficulties or steps of success. Although you are not with me, I met different people every day, every moment. But your presence is something different, even the imagination that you are with me makes me feel so good, encourages to take decisions in difficult situations.

Three different layer of lipstick in her lips, another layers in her eyes, two layer, in a sense it was clearly glamorize. She was looking so gorgeous (better than Geneva watches) in a glance. Everything seeable were top branded except the transportation which we both wear travelling. She is same girl whom I bump with in the gym today. We both gave a look one sweet smile still we are stranger; I did not bother to build house of sand by falling on love with her. I do not know either she is prototype lady or Ideal girl.

After shaking her hand, she slimly nodded her right chick, I kissed in her right chick, I was rushing to catch another train, I got off from the metro. She was the one to remind me about that stop to catch my another train. I got off there. She could have easily let us flow our conversation because I was travelling for the first time in this city. I have already mentioned that I am tourist here. So, it’s clear, I don’t know which stop was that, neither I could understand the announcement made in metro.

Everyone meet new people in the pavement of the city, under the city lights, parks, or workplace, everywhere. There is nothing new to be surprised or to be excited.

During the day, while I was in the cafe my eyes catches the cellphone by the side of my table. It was wrong to look at someone’s personal gadget but anyone could easily identify what she was doing. She was not aware about it. I didn’t make any effort to read her phone conversation. She was sitting next to me (behind the sofa, which I was sitting). If it was not me some other person would do same. I saw text message “Please reply my dear daughter.” “Speak with me.” “What happened? What is the problem?” “I will do everything to see you happy.”

She keeps sending polite lines to her daughter but there was no response at all. And in 1-2 minute or may be less within a minute she composed and tried her best. As we all know we love to read previous conversation if someone doesn’t give any response. She was doing same. She begins to scroll the old messages and start reading last conversation with her daughter was a week ago. I could guess there was nothing her daughter mentioned. It was general and off course girls -“love you mama, ummaha :)” and chit chat..

No one could guess she was stressed or missing her daughter so badly with her appearance. Unless anyone should see wiping her eyes (pushing spectacles upwards to forehead.)

And, I said to myself “really? early in the morning this shit! And I was in the mood to enjoy my day off with my friends.

There is expectation, emotions, feelings, presence, we all have it. We all are aware about our own BIG TALKS, BIG WORDS. As if we are changing this world, even we don’t have time to look ourselves – observe for ten minute a day fly from one country to another and feelings for anyone. We have a solution for everything; everything what we bump into. It might be national issue, international issues, emotional matters, diplomatic talks, personal, even at workplace. Let’s step back and think it once vary rarely we have said “I have less knowledge about it,” or I am conveying this conversation without any trustable evidence. Interesting fact is knowing all this still we enjoy the conversation, gossip with friends cause the way of presentation also it sounds so realistic.

Every moment is totally new except our existence. We all are aware about this some of us accept it and have fun. Some of us love to create boundary in self.

Even that girl whom I met in the metro, I didn’t have enough time to kiss in her another chick. She turned her chick gently for another kiss, while I finished kissing on one side. Silly, Metro do not wait for our second kiss, so we don’t have enough time for another one. I did not bother that. We were strangers before and until next meeting.

Everyone have the story; each day we should be prepared to accept the story. It depends in our mood, if we want to keep or let it go. We cannot take everything together what we see, what we like. We have left many things behind till this phase of life.

We keep doing mistakes, similar mistake, but we even do not bother to look back and try to paint different layer in our life, set up paint program. Because we are always proud of what we have. We love to read new biography of successful person in the world but we never try to make our own life as the part of success. We, I, me, self is one of the powerful person and also enough to be an extraordinary in the world. Meanwhile, similar group of people, who have such vision will lead this society, county, country and finally world. Our strategy and vision leads us to success. Hence the reason many prototype lady, and feminist are needed in the society. Many of us are lingered in our own problems and we will never overcome from it because we do not dare to do it, but we always love to listen Hillary Speech, keen to know Hillary Clinton recent news, or sneaking where is Hillary Clinton Today. Let’s ask ourself where are we today? Where we will be tomorrow? Let’s keep everything aside and think for a while, point out what we can do, start from now someday we will be more powerful in the world like Angela Merkel.

Being optimist,

‪‪Wolfgang Schäuble‬, ‪European Union‬, ‪Europe‬‬

Dance with Zorba

Quote Posted on Updated on

“Zorba The Greek” – Zorbas Greek – Greek Dance, many people are familiar with “Zorba”. The music “Zorba” which is not only awesome I can dance anywhere. Sometime I feel like dancing in the table while I hear this tune. The movie was made on 1964 (Zorba The Greek). The novel was written even before my dad was born, written by Nikos Kazantzakis which was published in 1946. Zorba is so life inspiring, and motivation character found in the novel. Let’s not judge how he was because some may find he is pervert. I feel that “I am Zorba”, so cool, funny and who loves to dance and drink. Who do not want to miss any moment to enjoy the life. He never had problem (he takes problem as part of life which is essential and resolved in anyway) or nothing is urgent in his life. The only urgency is to joy. He just knew how to enjoy his life without hurting or harming anyone. Let’s say Zorba and the nature women. 

There are many followers and inspiring people in the world. Some are inspired by Osho, J Krishnamurti, Vivekananda, Raman Maharshi, Ramakrishan, Mooji baba, Buddha, Krishna, Hindu philosophy, Christianity, even commercial Christianity, Jew philosophy, Muslim Philosophy, or may be the philosophy of Socrates. I cannot talk about the nature of any influenced personnel. Because I want them to enjoy the way I am enjoying with the dance of Zorba. Even many are influenced by Meera Bai’s poem written in 16th century, her devotion for Krishna is hidden; only in the poems written for Krishna; whom she never met.

I feel, we compromise a lot in our life and we say life is full of compromise and this is life. We have many complaint regarding faith, work, love, family, friends, appearance, attitude, scarcity or anything we always have something we are not happy with. Complaint always exists. My silly mind sometime says – it is one of the best example of compromise in love. I think we fall in love because we find many things which matches with each other, as well as we feel he/she will makes happy or fulfil desire. So all is about being happy either you or me whoever –  there is always some points of being happy with each other that is the reason we fall in love or we marry with someone. We do what we are happy with, we hardly or rarely agree to be together. I mean to say that should fully gives us pleasure in our life than only we agree. Otherwise there are plenty fish in the street we wouldn’t keep bargaining on each and finally happy with leftover. Similarly, we are always seeking to be happy which we never get. Because joy does not exists as a material which we could see or touch, there is deed which simultaneously is spreading happiness with our deed, here each moment is spreading seed of happiness. Like music makes us dance, smile, clap, sing or just listen it. It will be injustice if I forget to share Zorba dance and music. Here is the link of it.

Zorba the Greek

Zorba dance Birmingham, UK

Blues music makes me so relaxed and gives me some different vibes. I listen everything sometime North American music, (Eskimo Music Peru) “On the lounge”. Some selected Chinese music, sometime the Album art of Blues music makes me feel so cool. I listen music from the world which makes me lost in the music. I don’t want to judge what is there in the music but I feel so good, while playing flute I feel that I could know more about it and play in the street and gather many musicians so we all could play various instrument and people could enjoy.

Vipassana day 6 chanting by Goanka is another one which makes me feel cool, there is something, I am not talking about power or inspiration. I am talking about joy, which makes me jolly. B.B King and Norah Jones were the first artist which I bought 12 years ago and listened Blues for the first time. I love to be bathroom singer, not only bathroom singer, I sing while I am working, “The thrill is gone baby” By B.B King or “I talked my girl in the telephone, long distance” I even dont know whether this is song or not but I sing it sometime I make my own song.

zorbaZorba was similarly guy, I see him so cool and relaxed, friendly, who can take everything so easily. He love to dance in any mode of life. In the worst situation rather than worrying, better he drinks and dance and sleeps at night and on the other day he resolve the problem, but he never wastes his time just in worrying about the problem because he knows that god have send everything in the package just we need our patience to fit the right one at right place. That might be the one reason he is so calm and cool. Who always manages to dance even alone at home, he even manages to make other and himself dance at brothel.

While I revise myself, I find everything in me which helps and motivates me to face everything which comes in front of me. I feel myself like music of Kitaro – Silk Road, Buddhist chant (i.e Om Mane Padme Hum, mantra of Mantra Of Avalokiteshvara; Medicine Buddha Mantra), Hindu chants, music of Eskimos. It always gives me fear, suffering, pain, happiness, energy, motivation and I can find mysterious love in it. Hence, the reason I always feel I am empty so empty and if someone tries to fill me up its like pouring water in sand because none of the philosophy, music, novels, movies, celebrities, nature, experience, suffering is not able to fill me how can the world could paint me. I am not scared with colour of life but I want to keep this “ME” as “me” so someday either paint like Picasso or compose poems like Li Po “Canvas of My Life” I will hang it somewhere. I want myself to remain alive. Keep it alive I will be a witness of my own life and celebrate every moment of it. I respect to those people, lovers, whom left me, my sympathy whom I have suffered, my condolence whom I have broken so badly, thankful to everyone whom I have met during the journey of my life, there is no hard feeling with everyone, and won’t be in future. Everyone was part of my journey, I have still not reached my destination, many to come, many to see and face, I always believe happiness is journey not the destination so you all were in your journey too we met in the junction and are moving towards our own destination. I promise wherever I am I will always dance, celebrate, joy, fun and live my life.

“The universe is in an especially benevolent mood and frame of mind, and as a result, so is everyone else. What this means to you is that one and all will be in the same outgoing, positive frame of mind you’re almost always in. Sure, it’s nice, but it’s also convenient. You need to make a decision now — but with so many things in your favour, it’ll actually be almost impossible for you to make the wrong one. Lucky you.”


#Love #Respect #peace



Zorba the Greek (film) – Wikipedia


Zorba the Buddha

Sex | Psychology Today

Quote Posted on Updated on

“Homosexuality” is very famous in the western world. Some of the countries are still  fighting for their right. The appropriate word for this topic is LGBT, Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. It is found that from 1930 people started to talk in public and got viral, though it took so long to legalise. Ancient Egyptian history based on hastily drawn image of homosexual as well as heterosexual sex. From Ramesside period it is found king Niuserre of fifth dynasty of Egyptian pharaohs, circa 2400 BC; gay based on a representation of them embracing nose-to-nose in their shared tomb. Based on middle kingdom story King Neferkare and General Sasenet has an intrigue plot of king’s clandestine gay affair with one of his generals.

China define homosexuality as the passions of the cut peach which is recorded from Han Dynasty approximately 600 BCE. Interesting part is, many Chinese literature were based on homosexuality from ancient time. Middle Eastern cultures took it commonly and many poetry was written on same-sex love. Even today I am remembering this topic. While I compose this blog I have to be in their place and feel it, than write it or I have to be in bank Bedand count the fish. I am in Dilemma. I am choosing difficult one. 

Moving around the world we can meet various category of people. Among them one mass of people which I met are too much onto on sex. I even have no idea that they are pathetically pervert or, there are more to see in this world. It may be the culture hence the reason they are dull on sexual civilisation. It is much more than this words could describe. I am away from their conversation because I have already crossed the path of imaginationary world. For me, it is so surprising because based on my experience talking about sex will be an interesting conversation and there will be discussion which is needed. While I was living in UK I have many friends whom we used to talk for hours and we used to talk about romance too. Table of 8-10 people, eating Turkish dish, Reki (Turkish strong alcohol) and the conversation after midnight because we finish our work at 11, night. We used to jump in the car and find the venue most of the night. Even there used to be equal participant of girls and boys. She used to drop me every night home because I am the last one to live bit far then other. So, we used to talk about sexual experience, funny moments, work time funny incidents like while counting the stock. Most of the stores in UK, is underground. I first time was scared it is like tunnel, I could feel the water in the wall, really cold looks like bunker of soldiers. It used to take an hour to count the stock. Not only that the freezer is on for 24/7 to cool the barrels of beer.

Turkish Reki was always good companion for us. We could just see the snow outside the window we could not feel any cold or wind at all the temperature is normal because of air condition. The fun starts from snowfall. We even don’t have to figure out what it means the laughter goes on and the funny incidents in car, store, bathroom, or in the club, pub or mostly in cemetery. While rolling the bottle game was going on, once the bottle faced towards and the question was “ have you ever had sex in the Church?” This was the question repeated again. It may be because I am from different country, and want to know about me. May be this is the reason I was never treated different, and I was the one who want to go to eat in the restaurant every night, but the problem is transportation. I need to change 3 bus and wait for long time. I hate night buses because of drunk people and waiting time is too long. So, better eat in the restaurant have a gossip, and someone will drop me home. This time was so hard for me, whether to tell the truth or tell lie. They know that there is no doubt in my case, but they want to listen my funny part of story. Most of the story I tell them sounds funny.

“Anybody wants lift home.” Birthday girl sister shouted from the back door of the restaurant. Everyone was so surprised she and her family have just left the restaurant after celebrating her sister’s birthday. And she came back to the restaurant? She is not drunk either.

“He will go, wait.” Everyone pointed me. I was funny, because the last task of restaurant is putting the chair back and I am so lazy to do that always find some other things to do. Today at the right time she made a call. “Sweetheart, do you want wine or whisky.” (The laughter goes on)

“You got the right guy today.” Boss said, (laughs).

In such way, every time is just laugh, laugh and laugh. The funniest thing happened while I came in this country. I was serving one table I just felt something is wrong. Later on I knew they are regular customer from 20 year and they are gay. Another coincidence is always next table customer have a baby. Off course they are noisy, and crying out loud. I saw them every weekend for 6 month every week next table is baby and crying making too much noise. “Do they have any difference if the kids are playing around them, making funny questions, speaking so nicely, having good voice and so innocent, does it makes any difference to them? Do they have any feelings or something?”

Back to the same topic, early in the morning this people talk about sex. They are too onto in search  of brothel. I have never heard any day they managed to find one. May be this is the reason one have already brought sex toy. This is strange OR straight world, people want to buy everything. Everything is so cheap. Hence the reason, LGBT has been spreading like religion, many people are trying to find satisfaction in it. People are so much suffered by trust, love, and expectation. Even brothel have made people much cheaper then they should actually are. There is no law or boundary to control. It is available in every flat, each colony and any city. We all know it but we never wanted to stop it. It will grow more but won’t stop.

I see many LGBT are happier and healthy then other couple here in this city. They got few calls, and social site bullying than other does, they got limited circle than other does, they have fewer but special friends then other does, they have more time than other have, they achieve what they have to than other, they manage to do what they have to do as they are not occupied in such problems like other do. They are LGBT who have limited love, limited friends, limited responsibility, but very lovely people in the world. Who have to face different behaviour for the first time. But they are also able in many things, many of them love playing games, Playstation VR (i.e. For Honor, Ubisoft) They just have to keep in imagination about having kids. They can just feel the stomach of pregnant lady but cant be pregnant. They have to be discriminated by uncivilised people. It is difficult task for them to find the date. They have to face prejudice or violence and hate, still they struggle in the society to be alive. They are tagged as third sex. But they don’t have brothel like we so called heterosexual people have opened.

Dancing Rain

Quote Posted on Updated on

Let’s write something new. Let’s not talk about Anu. Let’s not talk about any philosopher. Also not about Painter or writer. Or let’s not talk about family, friend, wife, husband or boss. Let’s talk about something different. Something different which we like. It is different and really stupid. Stupid topic, silly topic. To find such topic is not only different it is hard or easy or it might be  challenging. Zhang Hang was Chinese statesman poet and inventor, but he wrote nice lines which might be suitable or might not be. 

Ah, the chaste beauty of this alluring woman!
She shines with flowery charms and blooming face.
She is unique among all her contemporaries.
She is without a peer among her comrades.
– Zhang Heng

I don’t want to talk about him because I don’t want to touch about such love which brings excitement and rhapsody which I think in this world is impossible without building ourselves. Because I always feel none of us have understood that love is something immortal which is not like coal which we burn, or like the water, like the game which we never knew who will win, even not the pleasure, also not like the chemistry, which generate something new after mixing with other element (very common is H2 + O2 =H20; which is so common).I don’t want to answer the product of love. It is something which we should understand unknowingly, without expressing, without touching, without seeing like blind people do.

I even didn’t felt like talking about poet today because there are several poets who are so much onto in the words which will let us fall in their words. I am just the reader not among those who have quality that they have several way of reading poem and easily analyse preposition, adverb or verb they could judge it word by word.

“O Friend! we are near you in friendship,
Wherever you set foot, we prostrate ourselves like earth
How is it permissible, in the religion of love,
That we should see your Creation and neglect to see You? “

Sometime I find myself in these words, I find myself in the pain, I find myself everywhere, I see myself in the paintings of Pablo Picasso because I don’t exist nowhere. It means I have not understood the life closely, love closely death closely and myself closely. Hence the reason, I still love the world because I have nothing to gain, and nothing loose. The level of stupidity has gone so ultimate long time ago. For the four year I was in mad in love, whom I have never seen, actually we both have not seen each other. Certain image comes to the mind, calm, cool and lovely enough and live in the imagination world, and could touch the air, breeze of love, ray of sunshine, colours of rainbow is part of stupidity which we love to do. None can disturb our imagination. We can imagine Meera, either Roman girl of 15ht century, Even the world can’t find her name still have her statue and painting is in the museum of Greece.

Kazakhstani dog tried to save drunken boss to take him off from the train, pushing, pulling, nudging, dragging, barking he put his all effort to save his master but unfortunately he died stuck by the train. The world remembers the dog but not the master who brought him up. Here is no paradox of thrift it is the the truth of what dog did was to save the life of another creature. Sometime I feel because might of all these reason Buddha left the world because he is too tired with himself. He have nothing to do tomorrow, and being silly I ask to myself why can’t he search everything from his home being with his family? On the other hand Socrate is another example, who is happy to drink poison, just to prove himself. But he left the word and he even don’t know whether it is proved or not. 

It is all people’s hobby, interest to make life more important in different way we can. I feel similar to romantic love story movie, heroin leave the hero and hero have good words to her, like

“I am sharing my experience in abroad. It might be offensive because it’s your life, I am not your boyfriend anymore. Ask to your classmate about life in USA, it’s not the way you are thinking, abroad is different. Better you must just focus on your career, none of us take life so simply (not practically though), you can think your life for yourself not how other people or friends are living. Because you don’t know what is the truth inside them or in their family. So, you take yourself as a world, and make a plan what will you do after reaching USA. Don’t think that you will celebrate or will go to Niagara falls, Victoria park or any parks, clubbing, pic of cocktails. You will get all those things while you are walking with life. The day will come. Make a plan first off all and listen everyone, but don’t forget you know what you want and why you are there for. Many people talks shit and that makes you frustrated, you will get good job don’t rush to work in the fast food restaurant and Indian grocery . US is full of opportunity. Get the job with the qualification which you have. There are plenty agencies and online jobs are available. Apply there. Which city and college you are going? Is everything arranged? ask how much is the rent, deposit and other expenses too. Ask are you living with room-share or flat share because later their might be problem if you have sharing room. Try to get one single room for yourself. You have broken me, my life let’s not go on that, but don’t broke yourself. Be strong and try not to trust anyone, keep distance with everyone. Pay college fee first off all, so that you can focus more on your studies. Don’t think about how to settle in USA but think that you want to be qualified first because once you have a qualification the world will welcome you, I mean you can easily settle anywhere. I don’t know but if you are in relationship talk to both sides, don’t do paper marriage just to bring him in US cause later on you don’t know what will happen, it’s so short time to trust him. If not, if you think you can handle talk to mum and get married and than process for everything. Get all things which you can’t get in US cause most of the daily using accessories are so cheap you can buy there. No need to get food that may cause problem in the US airport unless and until it has a mark. But in US airport security checking is so strict so it’s better not to be greedy and take food. You can get everything in US. Don’t be too much excited and don’t be too much frustrated, take it as a normal, focus of your parents and off course your dream to be registered doctor. Don’t get me wrong.  To get angry is human being nature. I am one of them , anyone will be like this not only me if they were in my situation. Now you will know the life I am sharing what I have learnt. By the time goes you know everything about abroad make sure you don’t rush. Be calm. Take care of yourself. Don’t trust anyone, eat in time, good luck.”

And this one dialogue of hero will be so much emotional and many people feel their similar story of their life. The movie makes silver jubilee or this scene goes repeatedly touching to everyone mind because they can listen their own feelings in this. The scripture knows what are so simple words to choose so every class of viewers would understood what the dialogue tries to give message. On the other side the heroin flies abroad and be happy with another hero. Still the story goes on, she never misses him but he miss her most of the time that brings tear in audience eyes. Even the hero doesn’t know what would have really happened, the story takes another twist, that again make audience happy, generates ego, selfishness, and revenge. Writers are so sensetive who have the quality to enter in every readers mind. There are some writers like Rezso Seress committed suicide after writing ‘Gloomy Sunday” such a beautiful Hungarian suicide song during second world war. Many have committed suicide, BBC have banned this song, because many people committed suicide. Kimitake Hiraoka, a actor, playwright, prologue Japanese author, The author of “The Painted Bird” a highly controversial story  during second world war unfortunately even he himself committed suicide in bath tub plastic wrapped bag in his head, some feminist writer like Virginia Woolf body was found dead after 3 weeks, and there are many more, I am not a writer, to even imagine such heavy task which is even hard to accomplish while sleeping.

I have already omitted Anu from my writings. So one character of my blogs are forced to die. Sometime, I feel I have murdered my character from my life whom I used to feel so lively and could see anyone in the street and give the same name. I have never done anything for anyone may be hence the reason, it is so painful to commit crime than to sacrifice. I never love violence, and wont be in future. That’s why sometime I feel life is like music we can try but it depends we can learn and try to make the melodious tune or just make silly noise.

Open Letter to Death

Posted on Updated on

Now, another option of lifeline is gambled. Doors are closing one-by-one. Time is slowly moving. Life is getting more matured. Things are running around. It’s not as easy the way I used to see like the way birds are flying in the sky, and I used to fly with them. It’s not as beautiful as birds and natural beauty. It’s not as clear as the sky. Slowly I am finding — life is tough.The wet earth, clean sky, warm sunshine, with big semi circle rainbow looks really good after the rain. Even the bare tree smiles, shakes its branches and cherish, dance after the rain, waving it leaf. But, the definition of life has changed. The situations which we face everyday are complicated as time pass by. It is easy to dream but to achieve is much more harder. On the other side dreams are not as easy to dream. Even while we reach closer it seems impossible, actually it is possible. There is no doubt the railway track seems straight, while you board in train similarly the difficulties, the situations in our life which we have to face is much more harder than it.

Slowly, and steadily things are changing, it is not like the season, which will come again next year. Once it is gone, it is very hard to make it happen again. It is impossible, neither it’s easy to capture. To build is more difficult than to dream. We all dream. Some people like to dream when they are awake whereas some people like to dream while they are sleeping. The only difference is when we dream while we are awake there is more possibility to achieve it. Because we plan it, we see possibility, we work for it and than we dare to achieve. But from now onwards it’s even not easy to dream while I am awake.

None of the music will help to overcome from what I have lost. There are no words which will heal my pain. There are no one whom I could sleep in the warm lap. In the night I feel every stars seems they are calling me to join them, twinkle at night and make children happy. Let the kids have stars in their eye forever, allow them to dream that stars are so beautiful and let them be happy. It would be great that children could talk about the star with friends, ask many questions about stars with their mother. Let them sing the rhymes every moment.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are..”

This is the story of love, story of friendship and story of hope and togetherness. It will never ever happen again in lifetime. Very few words could describe your presence and many time I feel you are missing me badly or you are around me. In my every happiness, in my success and in my loneliness you are always around even while I was in Nepal. I don’t know why you left me behind and you pushed me come abroad for further education. You were there for my parents. It is undoubtable you did not let my friends to miss me and you have recovered my absence. There are many good moments and dreams which we have spent together. It has been more than 4 years that I have lost you physically but while whole Nepal was crying in Yama Buddha’s lost, my eyes are still wet in your lost.

You won’t get silly friend like me who knows that you won’t make it but I was the one to push you and you make it happen. You was the one who is scared to lie and I was the one to ask for parrot reading. I still remember how you lied to your brother and persuaded to buy a bike in loan, I was the one to arrange everything finally you made it and made your dream come true in a week. We used to respect each other wish and make it happen. You was the one who is not ready for English test and I was the one to say you are better than me, let us do combine study. Every night we used to meet at Kantipur Complex canteen, than Santinagar to have Khashi ko soup with drinks and study at night. In a week’s time you was ready and made it happen we both have scored good. How could I forget even in the staff party you have arranged VIP pass for me and we have had an awesome time at Soltee hotel. That was the time when I get chance to meet most of the top celebrities of Nepal. But, I am not silly friend for anyone anymore, that was just meant for you. Even I can’t be nicely silly for a year,I came to abroad for further study but I was waiting you here. I never felt waiting is synonym of tomorrow which never comes. 

I will try my best to make it happen to make documentary which we had planned and you wanted to study Journalism (specialising in film, video and photography). I won’t let that go, this time I can’t make it, while I was in Nepal but someday I will definitely visit those places which we had planned to visit like madman. Very few people will remember whoever we lost their closed ones. It is bitter truth. It is not surprise that I miss your presence I always feel you are somewhere with the lights, in the air, in the same sky which I see everyday and the dancing cloud which follow me every moment. I do not want you to come in my dream that will make me feel bad because you are always with me while I am awake and I always feel good you are in my surrounding and laugh with me, cry in my pain, sleep in my tiredness, cherish in my happiness and be a part of my silly things as always. You are never lost and wont let it happen. It is not my promise because you are always with me.

There are many people in this world, there are many difficulties in this world, there are many possibilities in this world. At the same time, there are many tracks to achieve our dream. There are many possible track to achieve our dream. Most of the things happen for the reason. It is sometime too late to find out we need to change our track, our dream. Sometime we are scared to change our dream. We have a fear of failure, or fear of getting closer to our dream. But we forget that it was actually not for us. I don’t mean to say life is on air. It is not easy to express yourself. It is not easy to fix the situation. But remember it is always easy to talk. It is always easy to give big talk.

Now there will be no big talk, 2012 October have shattered my dream. I need to change my plan. I need to keep those birds in birds place, rainbow in rainbow’s place. Kantipur Complex’s canteen in same place, because if I wait any other person that won’t be like waiting you. This is right time to understand Railway track is not straight though it is bending or changing its track but it let us feel it is running straight, it taught me big lesson that sometime you fail and hard to achieve though it seems so close to success. Whatever happens, it always happens for good, but this does not applies in your lost, this is consoling line for pessimistic thinker. I won’t be waiting for that reason but I will change the track of my plans and try to walk along, let’s see how far it will lead. You are my friend and will always remain friend you are not here physically but you are immortal. I am here because it was your courage and plan to come abroad otherwise one villager from lower class family with lots of responsibilities have to think take permission from rich people even to think about abroad. But you made it happen in one go. I fly for abroad and Prabin even didn’t waited me to thank you?

Leftover friend,

रहर, बाेध र लुकेकाे विषय

Posted on Updated on

प्रिय अनू,

लेख्दै नलेख्नु भन्दा लेखेकाे नै जाती । प्रकाशन गर्नु वा वेबसाईटमा राख्नु मात्र लेख्नुकाे उद्देश्य झन् हुंदै होईन । अाजकाे दिनसम्म साहित्यिक रचनाहरु बाल्यकाल देखि नै पढ्दै अायाैं लगभग १० १५ वर्ष त सबैले पढ्याैं । हरेक नयां शैक्षिक शत्रमा सबै नयाँ पाठ्य पुस्तक पढ्याैं । हरेक वर्ष अध्ययन गरिएका सबै विषयका शिर्षक गन्ति गर्ने हाे भने ५०० भन्दा बढी नै पढ्याैं ।


सियाे खाेई सियाे

अैले यहि थियाे

अैले पर्याे काँ काँ

खाेजि…….।” देखि पारिजातकाे “शिरिषकाे फुल” (२०२२) सम्म सबै जाेडने हाे भने । सायद हामि सबैलाई प्रायः सामान्य ज्ञान सबै विषयमा छ । त्याे वाक्कै लाग्ने ४ कक्षा देखी पढनु पर्ने अङ्ग्रेजी देखी गणितका साध्य । अैक्षक गणित भन्ने वित्तकै Sin, Cos, Tan काे अझै नि याद अाई हाल्छ ।  अर्थसास्त्र भन्नसाथ माल्थासकाे सिद्धान्तकाे सम्झाना अाउँछ । मतलब साेच्दा हामिले धेरै नै शिर्षक र विषयकाे अध्ययन गर्यैा। हामिसंग धेरै विषयहरु छन् लेख्नकाे लागी ।

देवकाेटाका कविता र रचनाले पाठ्कहरुकाे मन त सहजै बल्थ्याे । त्यति दमदार थिए उनका रचनाहरु । तर उनकाे अाफ्नै घरमा एकदिन चुलाे नबल्दकाे झाेकमा शाकून्तल महाकाव्य नै लेखी भ्याए । यता हाम्राे लागी भने विश्व विधालयका लागि रिसर्च (research) अनि थेसिसकाे काे शिर्षक सम्म खाेज्न हम्य हम्य पर्छ । हुन नि जटिल काम नै हाे विषय छनाेट गर्नु । सहज छैन् विषय र त्यसकाे शिर्षक छनैट गर्न र खाेज्न । म याे ब्लग लेख्दै गर्दा यहि साेच्छु यतिका धेरै विषयहरु छन् समाजमा मेरै अाँखा वरिपरी । तर म अल्छि भएर नै हाे । मैले प्रयास नै गरेकाे छैन खासमा ।

हुनतः धेरै  लेखकहरुले लेखेका सबै लेखहरु लेखककाे नजरमा उत्कृष्ट नै हुन्छन । अाफु मरेर म बरु लेख्दै लेख्दिन् । फरक यति हाे जुनै पनि लेखमा शब्दहरु र त्यसकाे सन्देषमा कतिकाे वजन् छ । यसाे भन्दै गर्दा लेख्न हताेत्साहित गरेकाे भने हुंदै हाेईन् ।

प्रायः हरेकलाई जानकारि भएका केहि  लेखकहरुकाे लेखहरु अाजसम्मकै उत्कृष्ट लेख् हुन् । त्यतिकाे रचना म लगायत धेरैले अाजसम्म पाएका छैनन् । ति लेखहरु  ठयाक्कै बुझ्ने धेरै कम पाठ्क छन् । तर त्यस्ता रचनाहरु खाेजी खाेजी संङ्ग्रह गर्ने धेरै नै छन् । बुझेर वा अाधा बुझेर  वा नबुझेर । साप्ताहिकमा शुक्रबारकाे अंकमा उनकाे लेख् छापिन्थ्याे । अजभाेलि त्याे खण्डमा अरुनै मनाेरन्जनात्मक सामाग्रि प्रकाशन हुन्छ । पाण्डुलिपिमा धेरै मन गरेनन् सायद यसैकारण हाेला उनका हालसम्म २ देखि ३ वटा मात्र कृतिहरु प्रकाशित छन् । त्यहि छाेटाे लेखमा पिकासाेकाे चित्र देखि उंगुलिमालासम्म कति सहजै चर्चा गर्छन् । हुमरकाे कविता देखि एन्तेान चेकेवकाे कथा का बारे चर्चा गर्न भ्याउथे ।

अर्का लेखक (नाम नभनाैं) उनकाे सबैजसाे लेखमा दर्शनकाे जर्ति लगाउछन् । मुगलान देखी सुकारातका पाईलाहरु सम्म । सरुभक्तकाे प्रेमकाे कथा अाज भन्दा २० – २५ वर्ष अागाडी देखी चर्चामा थियाे । अाजसम्म पागल बस्ति नामका उपन्यासकाे मुख्य पात्र अादिमाता प्रतिकाे प्रेम अझै हरेक कृतिमा झल्किन्छ । त्यतिबेला उपन्यासमा प्रयाेग भएकि पात्र अादिमाता उनकै प्रेमीका सरिता प्रति समर्पण उपन्यास हाे भन्ने एकथरीकाे चर्चा थियाे । तर त्यति भन्दै गर्दा उनके लेखनलाई कुनै प्रभाव भने पारेन । धाराबासीलाई धर्म ग्रन्थका कथाहरुले अझै छाडेकाे छैन् । झोला (कथा) देखी राधा (उपन्यास) सम्मकाे यात्रा यिनै किंवदन्तिकाे भरमा चर्चाकाे शिखरमा अए । धेरै सन्देशमुलक उपन्यास लेखे उनले । सिनेमा बन्यो । रेडियाेमा बाचन भयाे । त्यस्तै लामिछानेकाे abstract चिन्तन प्याज अझ शिखरमा छ । अाैंलामा गन्न सकिन्छ त्यति थाेरै मात्र कृति प्रकाशन गरे । लेखे । यत्तिकाे गतिलाे अाख्यान सायदै कसैले लेखे । गैतम अर्का अाख्यानमा छाएका हस्ति हुन् । रहरै रहरमा नाम चलेका TV प्रस्ताेताले अाफ्नाे जड्याहा अादतकाे सरम नै नमानि नालिबेलि उच्च स्तरकाे मान्छे संगकाे उठबसलाई अाफ्नाे शेखकाे रुपमा अात्माकथा लेखे ।

त्यत्तिकाे लेख्ने हुनका लागी त अाजबाट लेख्ने बानिकाे सुरुवात गर्नु पर्याे । मलाई समेत कुन विषयमा लेखाैं भईराखेको छ । चाईनाकाे छाईिछङ् ग्याङ्जि प्रान्तमा काे अनाैठाे कथा सुनें निकै श्तब्ध बनायाे । बैवाहिक सम्बन्ध जाेगाउनका लागी अाफ्नै श्रीमानकाे  अण्डकाेष नै कर्दले काटेर निकालि दिएकि  थिईन् । सहनसिल असल गृहणी श्रीमान संग धेरै नै राम्राे सम्बंन्ध थियाे । साथै उनि २ वटा बच्चकी अामा समेत थिईन् । उिन गाइनाेकाेलाेजिस्ट हुन पेशाले । हाङ्ले १८ वर्षे रखैल राखेकाे थियाे । हेप्नु र सहनुकाे हद् पार भएपछि कल्पनै नगरिएकाे यस्तै ऊदाहरणहरु समाजमा धेरै छन् । माेडल वमिमा एरिले अाफ्नै श्रीमान बील नेलसन लाई रद्दिके टाेकरिमै फ्याकि दिएकि थिईन यति टुक्रा बनाईन कि रद्दिमा नअटेकाे बाँकी लाेग्नेकाे अंगहरु उमालेर अनि झिरमा पाेलेर खाएिक थिईन् । यस्ता उदाहरण जति नै भएपनि नरपिसाचहरुकाे अादत उस्ताकाे उस्तै । तर बानि परिसकेपछि अाफ्नै श्रीमतीले वा प्रेमिकाले जति नै महान काम गरे तापनि त्यसलाई सहजै स्विकार्न नसक्नु सायद यस्ता दुर्घटनाहरुकाे चुनाैति नै हाे । सुन्दै सिरिङ्ग भयाे ।

खयर यस्ते विशेष नै विषयमा समेत लेख्न खाेजेको हैन् । अब लेख्ने विषय केही भएन् । मैले केही नलेख्ने भए भन्ने मैले ठानिसकें । अझै घाेत्लिए । अनू । तिमिलाई नै विषय बनाउनु पर्ला । एउटा कुनै विषयबाट लेख्ने बानिकाे थालनि त नगरी हुदैन् । साेचें अब म भोलिबाट बिहानै गिलासमा तातो चियाकाे साथमा केहि न केहि अवश्य लेख्छु ।  साधारण सबैले बुझ्ने अझ भन्दा मेरो बाबु र अामा साथै खेत बारि वा शनिबारकाे छुट्टिकाे दिन छरिछिमेक जाे काेहीले जम्मा भएर पारिलो घाम ताप्दै ट्वाक्क अकबरे खुर्सानी र नुन पिंसेर थाेरै चिनिका दाना छरे पछिकाे निबुवा साँधेर दुनुबाट झोल चुहाउदै पारिले घाम ताप्दै चर्चा गर्न सकुन् । सहजै बुझुन् त्यति साधारण संग लेखैं भनेर बसेकाे । तर लेख्ने चैं पक्कै हाे ।

जदाै ।।।

शान्त मुक दर्शक

Posted on Updated on

इितहासका धेरै उदाहरणहरु एउटा अाधार हाे अाशाकाे । त्यसैलई अाधार मानेर अनुुसरण गरेर कति त धेरै अगाडी बढ्छाैं । दैनिक जिवनलाई सकरात्मक रुपले प्रभाव पारिरहेकाे हुन्छ । म यतिबेफा चर्चिलकाे भनाई सम्झिन्छु “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm” (Winston Churchill) -अाजभन्दा १५० वर्ष अगाडिकाे भनाई अाज पनि सान्दर्भिक छ । समाजमा यसकाे धेरै उदाहरणहरु छन् ।

हालसालैकी चिर्चित गायिका केटि पेरि (Katy Perry) काे पहिलाे एल्बम जम्मा २०० प्रति मात्र बिक्रि भएकाे थियाे । १९९९ देखि हरेक वर्ष जतिपनि गिति एल्बम बजारमा अाए सबै असफल भए । अन्ततः निरन्तरताकाे प्रयास पछि २००६ उनका लागि सफल वर्षकाे रुपमा रहयाे । .I kissed a girl… बाेलकाे गित अत्याधिक लाेकप्रिय भयाे । उिन यहि गितबाट चर्चाकाे शिखरमा पुगिन ।

त्यस्तै वपेरा विनिफेर (Oprah Winfrey) काे जिवन नाबालक छंदै ९ वर्षकाे कलिलै उमेरमा याैन शाेषणाबाट सुरु हुन्छ ।  काकाबाट र नजिककाे नातेदारबाट समेत याैन शाेषणकाे शिकार हुन्छिन् । १४ वर्षकाे उमेरमा अामा बनिन तर बच्चाकाे निधन भयाे । टेनिज विश्वविद्यालयबाट बाबुके सहयाेगमा पुनः अध्यनलाई निरन्तरता दिईन । सामुदायिक टेलिभिजनबाट सुरुवात भएकाे उनकाे भिवष्य काेहि महिना मात्र टिक्याे प्राेड्युसरले unfit for television भनेर निकालिदियाे । १९८३ मा Am Chicago नामक कार्यक्रम संचालन गरिन । जुन अाज The Oprah Winfrey Show काे नामले संसारमा प्रसिद्द र परिचित छ ।

Harry Potter कि लेखिक J K Rowling काे साह्रै नै कारुणिक र कष्टकार बाल्यकाल र केहि दशक बित्याे । काँडैकाँढा बिच बाँचेकि उनि अाफ्ने कलालाई नदबाई उनले १९९० मा Hary Potter काे परिकल्पना गरिन । साेहि क्रममा Manchester बाट London काे यात्रामा लेख्न सुरु गरिन । उनि १९९२ मा पाेर्तुगल अाइन र अंङ्ग्रेजी भाषा अध्यापन गर्थिन । साेहि बेला उनले पाेर्तुगिस नागरिकसंग विवाहा गरिन भयाे । तर बैवाहिक सम्बन्ध सुखि रहेन छाेरिकाे जन्म संगै सम्बन्ध विच्छेद गरेर १९९३ मा Edinburgh, Scotlnd सदाका लागि फर्किईन । यतिबेला सम्म उनले Harry Potter काे ३ अध्याय लेखिसकेकि थिईन । १९९५ मा साे कृतिलाई १२ वटा प्रकाशकले अस्विकार  गरिदियाे । १९९७ मा १००० प्रकाशन जसमा ५०० प्रति पुस्तकालयलाई र ५०० प्रति बजारमा वितरण भयाे । उनका लागि यहि १००० प्रति सफलताकाे सिंढिं भयाे । यहि पुस्तकले उनलाई चर्चाकाे शखरमा पुर्यायाे । साेहि कृतिले १९९८ मा Nestle Smarties Book र British Book काे उपाधि हासिल गरिन् । साथै साेहि पुस्तक बाल पुस्तक बिजेता समेत भयाे । अाज Harry Potter ४५० लाख भन्दा बढि बिक्र भईसकेकाे छ । उनलाई अाज विश्वले चिन्छ । Rowling सफल लेखिकाकाे रुपमा चिनिन्छन् । र याे सिनेमा सायदै कसैले नहेरेकाे हाेला ।

काेलाेनेल सेन्डर्स जसले ५० वर्षकाे उमेरमा १९४० तिर कुखुराकाे मासुकाे परिकार बेच्ने रेष्टुरेण्न्ट बाट परिचित भए । जसलाई अाज Kentucky Fried Chicken अर्थात KFC काे रुपमा चिनिन्छ ।

अर्काे प्रसंग,

राजधानिबाट पठनपाठन सकिन् । हाल् अाफ्नाे अध्ययन अन्त्यतिर थेशिश लेख्ने क्रममा छिन । मैले उनलाई अाज भन्दा १०-१२ वर्ष अगाडि Peoples Campus मा चिनें। अाजसम्म कुनै दिन पनि मनमुटाव खटपट भएन, संधैं साधरण छाैं। असल साथिकाे रुपमा उनकाे हाैसला र प्रेरणा प्रायः अवश्यक परेकाे बेला पाई नै रहन्छु । एक अर्का संग सर सल्लाह भई रहने भएर नै हाेला हामि जहां नै रहेपनि एक अर्काका शुभ चिन्तक छाैं । संयम छिन उनि । अतालीएकाे थहा छैन मलाई । सायद यसैले गर्दा हाेला उनकाे भेट राेमियाे संग भयाे । एउटा बेराेजगार संग सुरुवात प्रेम कथा अाज जिवनसाथीकाे रुपमा परिणत भयाे अाज सफल छन् । महत्वकांक्षा छैन दुवैमा र पहिला पनि थिएन् । सुखि छन् दुबै । अाफैं साधारण जिवन गूजरा गर्दै अाज धेरै अगाडी बढिसकेका छन् । म राेमियाे र विन्दुकाे प्रगति देख्दा मख्ख हुन्छु ।

म विन्दु साथीलाई यिनै कुनै महिलाहरु मध्यमा देख्छु J K Rowling, Oprah, Kety । ति महिलाहरुले गरे जतिनै दुखः त परेन उनलाई। तर अवसर भने उनकाे जिवनमा धेरै नै अाए तर कति त खाेसिए भने कति साथ र सहयाेगकाे कमिले धेरै समय टिकेन् ।

“If it were the custom to send little girls to school and teach them all sorts of different subjects there, as one does with little boys, they would grasp and learn the difficulties of all the arts and sciences just as easily as the boys.”  (Christin De Pisan, The Book of The Cities of Ladies)

सायद क्रिस्टिनले अाधुनिक युगकाे सुरुवाततिर लैंगीक असमानताकाे मुख्य जड भनेकै शिक्षा र अवसरकाे कमि भएकाे खुलेरै उल्लेख गरेकी छिन् । जुन अाजकाे दिनमा समेत जिवन्त लाग्छ । ठ्याक्कै एक दिन उनलाई समेत त्यहि स्थानमा नदेखिएला भन्न सकिन्न । यि दम्पत्ति मेरो एकदमै हितैसि मित्रहरु हुन् । अाज अाेपेरा क्रिस्टिन राेलिङ्ग र नेपालकि अनुराधा काेईराला (जसलाई संसारले सलाम गर्छ)  विधा भण्डारि बारे संझदा यिनिहरुको जिवन समेत सफलताकाे सुरुवात हाे भन्दा फरक नपर्ला ।

हुन त समाजमा धेरै थरिका मानिस र त्यत्तकै अनुपातमा वा ति भन्दा दाेब्बर अाँङ् नै सिरिंङ्ग हुने यथार्थहरु छन् । कतै सामान्य भन्दा धेरै दयनिय जिवन् समेत् पाईन्छ । अाफुलाई जुन कुराले सन्तेष दिन्छ त्यहि न गर्ने हाे । त्यसलाई नै अादत मानेर हिडछाैं । त्यसैमा रमाउने कायर जिन्दगी खुसि साथ बिताउँछन् । कतिले त रमाउँछु भनेर साेच्ने अाँट सम्म नगरेको देंखें । ति महिलाहरुकाे ध्यान नै अाज साँझ लाेग्नेकाे कतिसम्म घरायसी द्वन्द सहनु पर्ने हाे शरिरमा निलडाम साथै लाेग्नेकाे मानसिक पिडाबाट पार नपाएका महिलाहरुकाे धेरै दसक  बितिसक्याे । सँगै भएपनि न्यानो स्पर्ष चिस्सिएकाे दसाैं वर्षाैं भईसक्याे। ति मात्र नभई विजया पाेखरेलकाे सुत्केरीले भाेगेकाे वास्तविक पिडाकाे यथार्थ कथा र घरायसि द्वन्दबारे समिक्षा सम्झन्छु (http://healthstatutsofnepal.blogspot.com)

समाजमा यस्ता उदाहरण धेरै छन् याे भन्दा धेरै दयनिय र कारुणीक पिडाहरु व्याप्त पाईन्छन् । अनि हालसालै हाम्राे समाजमा नयाँ महिला  शक्तिकाे सत्तामा प्रवेश भएकाे छ । चाहे १२ वर्ष जनयुद्ध र संघर्ष गरेर अाज संसदकाे सदन प्रमुख सभामुख अाेनसरी घर्ती साथै राष्ट्रपतिमा जननेताकी श्रीमति वीधा भण्डारी । याे अवस्थामा म लगायत अाजसम्म सबैबाट वा भनाैं देशले वस्ता नगरिएका तर देशका नागरिकले याे परिवर्तनलाई स्वागत गर्ने वा नगर्ने त्याे त समयले बताउला । एउटा उदाहरण – राष्ट्रपति विधा भण्डारिकाे पति मदन भण्डारीकाे हत्याकाण्डकाे रहस्य अाजसम्म पनि सार्वजनिक गर्ने अाँट कसैमा भएन्। जानेर वा नजानेर यसै विलिन भएकाे एउटा सबै देशबासिकाे चासाे भएकाे कथा । सबैका प्यारा राजा विरेन्द्रकाे वंशनासकाे यथार्थ माैनतामै विलायाे । उनकाे मृत्यु पश्चात धेरै सरकार फेरिए तर कुसैले साने चचा सम्म नगरि साम्य भयाे/ पारियाे । हिजाे अाज कमजाेर, शत्ता लाेलुपता, लाचार, ज्याद्राे, लाज सरम सबै मरिसकेकाे – संहारक असाेत्थामाहरु वर्षेनी सरकारमा पस्छन् । खै के अाश गर्नु देश विकास, ठुला याेजना र राेजगारीका कुरा या त ति लाचार एकल महिलाकाे हक अधिकारका कुरा । सायद KFC काे नास्ता धेरै खाए हाेला तर कुखुराको मासु बेच्नेले यति प्रगति गर्न सक्छ भने म सरकारमा पुगेकाे सत्ता धारी देशका जनताकाे हित हुने एऊटा नयां अध्यायकाे थालनी गर्छु भन्ने सम्म वुद्धि चैं कहिल्यै अाएन् ।  यिनिहरुकाे राजनैतीक कार्यकाल सफल रहाेस् ।

म भाेलीकाे कुरामा ति महान महिलाकाे स्थानमा एउटा सामान्य महिलालाई परिकल्पना गर्न सक्छु । मलाई लगायत धेरैलाई विश्वस छ  उिनप्रति । तर यि मुकुटधारिहरु मुकुण्डाे कुमण्डलु डमरु र भाङकाे नसामा ताण्डव नृत्य क्रमैसंग गरिनै रहन्छन । चलिरहन्छ । अाशा त त्यतिबेलै मर्याे जब शत्ताकाे नाममा करिब ४ महिना खाना बनाउने ईन्धन बिनै कठ्यांङ्ग्रिदाे जाडाे झेल्नु पर्याे । 

जदाै ।।।

Political Deficit, Twisted Awery

Posted on Updated on

September 23

Conspiracy behind Prachanda’s patriotism is political movement (after September 23, 2015) in the parliament for the next general election. Maoist party clearly knows that there is no hope to win next election. In this 8 year time they have never showed any positive movement on the behalf of Nepalese citizen or any steps for the development of the nation. Maoist leaders as well as some other party leaders are one of the top corrupted leaders in the history of Nepal. The entrenched bureaucracy badly polluted the existing political cycle, in the name of privilege, customs, ethnicity they are still fighting to turn Nepal into communist nation. Their agendas are not for the development of nation but for their own ego. After 12 years of civil war they believe their decision is final decision. Other political leader have to follow their philosophy. In this modern age, they want to rule Nepal according to communist philosophy, let’s say traditional way of communism, and ruling accordingly.

Most of them know the mind game and power in their speech which is not for us. Their focus and concern is to manipulate everyone and convince to come to the power again. The only path they can choose is to agree and mix with other political parties and get support to bring the constitution in Nepal. Maoist leader knew before getting any kind of support from other different parties , majority of other different parties could bring constitution in Nepal. The unity will definitely lunch constitution of Nepal. Another worries for maoist was if they do not participate to write the constitution, Nepal as only Hindu Nation will  remain Hindu nation (it would remain unchanged). According to communism they are atheists . They do not believe in any religion since religion keeps the society together and maintains the brotherhood  among each other . The best way to lead the nation according to the communism is, divide and rule. Unless and until the religion remains it is impossible to replace with maoist philosophy. Sooner or later if other political parties do not change their political corruption and game of politics and power, in future it will show there will be one third of maoist seats in the parliament house. Our past experience of every political leader has proved very few or say none of the political leaders are concerned for the development of Nepal and Nepalese citizen. Many sectors are beyond control. Monopoly has raised which shouldn’t have happened.Level of  Corruption has gone go-high which will take another decade to control or change. 

One  LEADER is really needed for the development of Nepal. It is not impossible to bring change but it is much more than challenging. If this campaign begins most of the political leader will sentence to jail for more than 20 years ….The height of crime is to misuse the power they have done and keep repeating for many years. We all agree Nepal is one of the top most beautiful country with brotherhood. Peace is what we deserve. We want and we are always fighting for it. Even from last few years political leaders wanted to divide nation. Yes, we all agree but there must be equality and equity for everyone, but we had never asked for unmeasured division of province, 5 development regions was the best division for Nepal, we people would be more than happy with it, and shouldn’t face this agitation either. Comparing to 5 development regions, 8 provinces seems unpractical and unacceptable. In few year time, some leader will again fight to change the decision. Every political leader are attention seeker, though it seems they are in power, each day they come with new and silly agenda which none of the citizen actually demanded. Each speech contains false hope. As many of us are aware very few leader follow the manifesto which the has signed during the election. None of them achieve even 10% of it. But off course very powerful speech have hypnotised us. Why in developed nations, political leader speak less and work more for Nation? It is because public knows and they can judge they can’t be hyptonised with big talk of politicians. Recent example of Britain why again conservative won the election even after 5 year there was big discussion in the parliament. Conservative party brought a lot of changes including foreign policy, cut down the budget, bring british soldiers back from war, appealed to scottish people to be unite with England. The manifesto of conservative party was much more stronger than labour party. Labour party tried to focus on limited field whereas Conservative focuses on Nation. The biggest success of conservative in last political is brought the economy up, control immigration, remains scotland unite, cut down in military budget, settled pension, new law in medical sector, focused for unemployed people. 

Hence, if we go back to our political history even each political leader who committed to bring change in the society, nation they couldn’t achieve any, implementation was null. They never felt ashamed. If they are honest they do not want to leave the power. They do not want to give chance unless and until their mentality and vision can’t change it is still hard to follow the path of success. They are never seemed loyal for nation. They are never serious about treaty of East India company, territory of Greater Nepal. Most of us are shocked by the disagreement and attack of India. 

Time has changed  now, in every  house one person holds foreign degree or foreign experience, have learned the lifestyle, civilisation. Society can react faster than concerned/responsible authority to resolve if there is anything happening around. The concept of socialisation is rapidly spreading. In summary ,we all nepalese citizens are waiting for one patriots right leader to rule in Nepal. Each hand is desperate to hold sand of motherland and dedicate for nation. This is the only way that could turn our nation to peace and most developed nation in the world which will open us to competition in the global market, participate and rule the monopolistic trend in every field globally. Because everyone are aware if we could use our natural resources and natural neat, manpower it is enough even to pay the debt which nation is holding each year (and growing).

I am not against politicians or any party. As a citizen, I can see the probability and many possibility as well as opportunity but because of our false vote we are not able to choose right leader who is enthusiastic and eager to lead the nation and lets us live in peace. 

We want leader who dare to resolve diplomatic issue on behalf of Nepal. Who also could resolve “Treaty of East India Company” and get our Greater Nepal back. Leader who must use our natural resources. Who must find the way to get food, shelter and education for each citizen. Leader who must join each village with transportation, Who can stop corruption, send them to jail who were involved in corruption till the date. Who encourage and we all nepalese could see Nepalese player each season participating in sports in the world. Who can encourage each household to get scientific education. Who can bind entrepreneur in such system where there is null corruption. Secure people like me and could get justice from the nation. 

We are waiting for this day to feel peace in our nation. 

Faithful Cow

Posted on Updated on

Dear ANU,  

Mostly used sumbol.
Commnly used symbol.

Who is responsible behind terror attack in Paris? Oldest model explains committing crime is the model of behaviour is that of demonology. Which is also known as the result of a possessed mind and/or body. Cesare Lombroso in 1987 wrote the theory of ‘anthropological determinism’ says someone ‘born criminal’. Sigmund Freud describes crime as a “pleasure principle”From the sexual attachment, affection, information regarding sexual intercourse, growth of sperm, development and pregnancy as well as growing infant. Mothers are so close with their kids than male. We all are aware there is moral support and other assistance from mother than male. But most of the kids are so close to mum. If some are not — there is something must have, the others are aside because they are soft hearted hence the reason some kids take advantage of their sentiment.

Let’s go back to the topic! What makes human being to criminal? Why people choose weapon or arms? What is the reason behind that? How often we put our parents ahead than us and take decision? Why is that? Even many mother, sister or daughters are carrying weapon or engaged in such activity which creates violence? What enrich them from human being to terrorist? Is it because their mind and level of understanding is diverted to cruelty and selfishness and derived for self satisfaction or pleasure to extreme opportunism. Many mother, sister and daughters eyes are filled with tear and heart is shaking after the terror attack in Paris, Siriya and for those who are starving in different part of the world. Do you know how many families are affected by it? it is beyond humanity. Those innocent people who died in different incidents either in Siriya, Turkey, Paris or in 9/11 attack in USA, even in the boarder of Nepal while protesting in the boarder of Nepal. Isn’t this is stupidity and why those people are eager to kill? Why life is so cheap? Why death is so easy? Why those cruel demons are so eager to kill and murder? Is that is the social life they want? Is that the world want? Has anyone even dared to dream this world without full of terror?

Is it because of liberty – which create criminal mind? Every individual born champion, it’s us how we want to grow their minds, thoughts, and value of everything. I am not blaming nor I am judging you, we all know that you are soft hearted mother of child, humble wife and caring sister for your brother, princess for your parents. There is nothing against you. I don’t know about those terrorist of those who are knocking other’s door in search of mother or family. We all are aware after all he will say “Thank you for ruining my family. I hope you guys are happy now.” Shame on him, he is ignoring his own mother, father and knocking stranger’s door to beg for the love? If you be his wife you can’t be his so called “Mother” or so called family and if you  be his mother you can’t be his sister, you can’t be his wife and you can’t be both.

Your teenage has begun, youth is still to face. Many perverts are in the pavement of the city to talk about our beauty of lips and hips. You have learned many words in answer for those perverts and different emotion with your eyes or lips and nose. One day you might be like many grandmother who have to celebrate their birthday without kids but with grand daughter.

Kurt Cobin died at the age of 27. Cool Pokhrel died at the age of 27, Bob Marley had a painful death. Che Guevara’s was buried in a not to secret grave near a dirt airstrip outside the little mountain village of Vallegrande in Central Bolivia. There is many rumour about Adolf Hitlor’s death. Someone says he flew to Hungary and lived in his friends villa, someone says he committed suicide. An army man Bin Ladin turned from army to terrorist.

Isn’t that’s our fault?

There are billions and trillions or say infinitive lies have been told, false promises have been made either in the name of god, Allah, or christ.

History is mystery: we don’t know what promises Juliet made to Romeo, also we don’t know what promise Majnu made to Laila, Sahah Jahan build Taj Mahal for her youngest Queen, and we don’t even know what promise Queen made – Khadga Samsher Rana build Ranighat Palace, we don’t know what promise Mao Tse Tung got from the opposition so 45 million people were worked, starved or beaten to death over four years; on the other hand the worldwide death toll of the second World War was 55 million but why? Also no one knows why Alok Nembang committed sucide, why Mithridates VI of the area that’s now call Turkey committed suicide, Milo lay down in his coffin, shut the lid and pulled the trigger, sucide of Austrian born logician Kurt Godel all the death were mysterious.

Little knowledge is dangerous:  Sex is better than other exercise. It doesn’t mean you spread your leg several times a day. This may be one major reason there are plenty perverts. Before taking bold decision regarding any female every activity counts. Whether to attack your bosom with paw or to ignore and walk away. Marquis De Sade is world top pervert, who had an affair with his wife’s sister, imprisoning a so-called prostitute for sexual pleasure and abuse. Lester Crowley is famous for his sexual magic. Sigmund Freud is pervert as in his works he admittedly had sexual feelings for his mother, also he convinced the “Psychosexual Theory”. Mahatma Gandhi practiced the art of sleeping next to young naked girls to test himself Sexually. Gandhi’s subjects were often young female followers, one whom was his own 18-year-old grand-niece. And what they did was “non-sexual activity” which included strip teasing, group bathing, and lap-dancing – all for the chaste. Caligula converted a palace into a brothel. Napoleon Bonaparte is also known as pervert. There are many more but there is no offence because these all great people have made history by doing good deeds in the world.

Someday, we might trust this world, our own kids will love us though we grow old, there will be trust on each other relationship, love. Someday, the world will be

Paris terror attack, aren’t we are responsible for it? My sympathy and condolence for those widows, orphans.  A world without terror is only possible in fairy tales, You are responsible for it because you are daughter, you are sister, you are mother, you are step mother, you are wife. Have you stopped our kids, enough in right reason? Have we gave enough freedom and essential access to grow any mind mother of mother in the world? How many times we paid penalty while they are in jail? Put it together and lets feel our selfishness, ego, criminal mind, terrorist thought, horrible eyes, aggressive hand and greedy heart aside and let me live my life. Time will tell how many Pulmonary vain you’ll block for your cruelness. One day mother won’t have tears in her eyes. To all mother, sisters daughter and wife: ANU which means the emotion, feeling, excitement and bad energy A terror “Anywhere Near Us” (ANU).

Always careful with ANU.



Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne, 2010. Memoirs of Napoleon Bonaparte, Volume 1. Edition. Nabu Press.

Neil Schaeffer, 2001. The Marquis de Sade: A Life. 1st Edition. Harvard University Press.

Aleister Crowley, 2006. Aleister Crowley And the Practice of the Magical Diary. Revised Edition. Red Wheel Weiser.

Blood of Daughter

Posted on Updated on

When she decided to come back and leave her husband after living together for a year, how will she react with the society for rest of her life? Let’s put our feet in her shoes and feel it. She fell in love, decided to spend her whole life, promised together dreamt and planned for future, and the extreme level of happiness which arose between both of them.

Even some of the educated families still are illiterate although they are highly educated. Today, it is not acceptable for her parents just because of the ethnic religion and also because the boy is not wealthy comparatively to her family. Her every moment is filled with tears. Her heart is broken from everyone; even parents and this world. She feels so sorry for her husband who is not even able to stop her. Even he tried his level best to fill all those gap in her life with his love and affection but did he really make it up to that? It was pretty simple as he was loyal in relationship with her which led her to run away and decided to live whole life with him.

Happiness is not everything. Sometimes, she loves to be childish with her parents, become moody, she misses the silly acts with her sister, immortal care of her sister and brother- combination of everything which satisfies a human being, which she was missing that from the day she ran away with her boyfriend. A lot of attempts were made by her just to be in touch with her family. The level of hatred was that extreme later on she decided to come back to her home and get married with the guy that parents had decided for her. It sounds so childish but while we try to feel together we can feel the sentiment of a teen girl. Yes, such a pathetic, narrow, dump mind. Why they can’t see and feel the happiness of their own child? She used to be lucky charm for her parents for last 20 year. All off a sudden once she got married with someone how can parent forget everything? She was the secret of parent’s success. Everyone were happy and today when she decided to find her happiness and share it with someone she loves all of a sudden she turned into black spot in everyone’s life? Is it acceptable for anyone? Where is justice?

In her words.

“Dad, why you can’t see me happy? I was happy with you and everyone was happy for last 20 year. One day I have to choose my life and it might be today or tomorrow. I had chosed a year ago, why can’t you accept it? Why do you want me to live him for your prestige? Why you want me to be same like you? Always proud about the prestige, designation, society, wealth? In fact I never feel those were essential in my life. More or less, I also knew to live life in a better way and happily. If you are so ashamed, why you can’t help your daughter to be wealthy or support him to live the life you want to see? Why don’t you convince him? If you are correct he will understand too. I fall in love with him for more than 4 year than we both decided to be together. He convinced me that is the reason he was only the idol person in my life. I knew you won’t accept our relation. I have got only one choice-run away. I ran away and was so happy with him. We had built my own world. Why you didn’t even approached once to support him to show the life you want to live? Why you didn’t guide him to live the life he want to live? Or tried to help him to earn the wealth the way you earned which will hide your prestige? Why you even didn’t even bother to speak with him once? Shame on you! You even did not hear his voice. You didn’t even say “Hello” to him.

Dad!! You wasn’t doing anything to see me happy. Actually you never thought about my happiness. If you have had one small attempt to build this relationship, it would prove the whole dad in the world are so much concerned and could do anything to make their kid’s life better. Both of them could get wonderful life and could be so happy. It is not your fault and better if you stop blaming yourself. I have a lot of respect for you. Hats off!!! both of you for your decision. It does not took me a minute to leave the Banglow. I had easily left shining stairs, car, and life of princess. Yes, those arms were so warmth and the happiness in small space was much more precious and beautiful than what I was getting here, because I was building my future. My home is my home. It has a different sentiment which won’t be replaced. But the life with him was much more precious. Though some of his dream were false still I used to love them. Slowly, I was being part of his family. I had my own space. They were desperately waiting to fulfil the emptiness which I had filled.

Today, everything is so cheap for me. I could easily ignore my dad’s love but tears in mothers eyes gave me a lot of pain I asked to myself, if I had committed the biggest crime?

Now, I don’t know how will I generate love for another boy with whom I have to spend my life the way my parents want. I am compromising myself. I am selling my life in the name of society, prestige. Feelings emotions, sentiment has no value. Anything convert able in currency has value, right? Hope you will sell me in good price.”

Love you dad

Blood of Daughter

UK Restaurant -Thug Life

Posted on Updated on

Even the government of UK is failed to bound or control this immigrant. Every day they make new law for international student. But majority of Asian students are few steps ahead than them. Each students enter in UK as a student. Without being student there is less chance to enter in UK. Each student live for more than 8 year and the target is to live there for 10 year. In this 8-10 year time each student holds more than 4-5 Bachelor and masters degree. I assume every minister of UK parliament does not have 5-6 degree. Some of them might have. Here I do not mean that holding degree is everything. (I am not underestimating them either.) I mean immigrant students hold a lot of degree and they are so clever to escape any rule UK ministry of foreign affair or Ministry of education announce each week.

Nameless journey of thug life. We never know when they where it leads.

In these 7-8 year the students have tested the system of UK government so clearly. More or less everyone are aware of every section of law. People from India, (especially Gujrati), Bangladesh, Pakistan, China, Nepal, Afghanistan, Turkey, and others countries are here from so long time. Once the student completes the masters degree, everyone tries to switch their visa from student to working visa (Tier 4 to Tier 2 or 3). To get this visa business/restaurant owner is far ahead in this. From these above country they are doing business from long time though their business is deficit each year (while they renew their licence and auditing, they need to submit financial report to the government, which actually is not real one) still that business exists from last 20 year. Even the Government of UK feel sorry for them and keep renewing the licence of the company. The restaurant owner doesn’t bother whether the business is making profit or not because they can get £10,000 from each student while switching it to work permit.

Processing time is maximum 2 month. Once the student get the visa ‘job done’ (it means change of sponsorship to remain in UK; from student to working). Job done in a sense they search for other students who want to switch the visa from student to work permit. In a 6 month time the business owner itself will close the company or say will be collapsed. They will form another company but in same place. Only the business owner’s name will be changed into wife’s name or son or daughter or daughter in law or anyone’s name. This is the best and easy way to earn money in UK from past years.

Now, the student will be in trouble because the sponsor licence is cancelled. The company which they got the sponsorship doesn’t exist as the owner already changed it. Once the licence is cancelled it should be renewed within 2 months otherwise applicant will be deported. Now, there is no power in the earth can get that money back, £10,000 from business owner. It is big money. In a 6 month time none of the worker can earn that much of money. From the UK government each business (need to meet the criteria) get licence for 3-4 people. Each student pay £10,000 to switch the visa and get work permit. Here at one time they earn £30-40,000. This amount business owner earns each year that is the reason they don’t care about upcoming difficulties of students -nothing or how much they will suffer once they get letter from home office saying to leave or find another sponsor to continue the visa. Humanity sounds good in Gulmohar or social studies school course book or in Philosophy.

Most of them recruit students in their business. Even though they don’t have working right. They pay less amount of wages. Still to sustain in UK student are happy to work in that £2 per hour (Minimum wage is £6.75 more or less), 6 days a week and they go to college or university one and half day a week. At a same time owner do not pay full wages each week. The wages of each employee keep on adding and when that is above £3,000, they themselves call UKBA to raid their business. Once they are caught, they put the blame on student if they ask for their remaining wages. On the other side owner make fake document and submit it to home office. Even after Home office raid business owner gets 1 week extension to provide supporting evidence regarding employees. 

It is very easy to twist the story there are many brokers who make fake documents of students. It looks similar to the original. Here in detention centre student will be in double trouble, they are charged for submitting fake document too. Yes, it is true those students are innocent, they are unaware what is happening behind those big walls of detention centre. But those documents are not made by them. Business owner themselves  has made such documents, each document costs £100 so for 4-5 employees just £500 but he is earning from 4-5 students £12,000-£15,000 or more, just by holding wages of all employee who are students. Because they never give wages in time.  In such way they are earning a lot of money. If they could sustain in such environment they will have good life in future if they can’t escape then they have to face detention centre of UK and have to leave in same slipper from Heathrow terminal to their home country.

They are so good in conversation. They have so thin tongue, manipulate everything in sweet way. They don’t hesitate to say very good and wise words, be a so called “dramatical”, “sympathetic” supporter. But in reality they are concerned to earn money. Each year they earn thousands of pound just by doing this. Business itself is good because every student (with no work right) does really hard work in order to secure their own job. There are many examples who are suffered by business owner. Students get a loan from back home and pay that money to business owner. But in a 6 month time they have to be jobless. Many families are victimised by such people. 

Sometime, even the UK government is tired of all this immigrant student; they are not able to control it. In 4 year time they have made a drastically change in admission for international student to control immigration, but they are still suffering from it. On the other hand business owner are far ahead to hide every crime they are committing. Paper speaks louder than the truth in UK. If you are good enough to make strong evidence (as a proof, written) that will speak, you are winner. It is very easy. “Crime right is strong for criminals” it sounds better.. 

Let’s see how many families will live their life in tears. How long such bogus owner will expand their business, how many bungalow they will buy in back home. You are giver still your hands are tied, nowhere you can knock for the right.

I always practice, the best way to live life is to be happy with what I have, and there is no “one day” everyday is one day and in that one day I have to make it, do it while I think everyday is one day for me- that day will bring me smile in my lips. That is the secret. Everyday is “one day” which I am waiting for. There is no other “One day” which will bring me lots of treasure in big sack. I will collect each one, and I will gather that, that itself will be bigger than which I am waiting for. Let’s respect everything that will generate love and that love will bring peace around. 

(This is based on real stories which I have seen in last four year, some business holder (here I am focusing on immigrant owners) might be running business according to law and system. I personally appreciate them. It is not easy to bring that big amount and make someone else rich with our money, even after that get ready to go back to home country, being criminal.)

Thank you.


Symbolic Love

Posted on Updated on

No one was there to stop me!!

While anyone does not understand a single word, that sounds like anger. Even though the different conversation in any other language than which we are not familiar with that sounds like they are talking about us. It’s been a week or two and the day we went to search for the job, we found one. I was in big trouble when I was selected for trial, as I am even not familiar with a single word. I was speechless. This country and language both are new. But I accepted that job, so, from now onwards I will be working with Chinese team. I have to find the way to sustain and digest each and every conversation. Few things i.e. behave of boss, team work, familiar with the team and task load, managing time, prioritising, actually I was using “Strategic management and Leadership”. This level 7 course helped me a lot. I have no clue what to do? I came back to my room. I really want to thank to my friends who helped me here from day one. I have seen different faces but here, you won’t believe the height of cruelness, selfishness and cheating is more than you can imagine, more than anywhere you have seen (within same ethnic group). None of us want to be in this community just because of one advantage everyone digest and wait for 5 year. But I was with my friends whom I knew from long time back. I was mentally not prepared to start new job from tomorrow half past 10 in the morning. Don’t know what to wear. Finally, next morning, I went to work.

There was no introduction, straight to work. On the same day, while I came back I asked nani those words which are basically used. Similar to mock exam. Now, I have to learn how to tolerant boss argerness. She was short in height, short hairstyle, small eyes, and she raise her hand and bend one finger while she explain something. She has to bare a guy who does not know any words. Now she started to shouting at me in every task I do, everything I do. It is totally different than what I have learnt in UK. There is nothing similar everything is totally different. Now, I feel how people are working in other countries with different language than english.

Luckily, I generate love in those finger, loud voice, this and that. Only person I have to adjust is with boss. She is around all the time. She is so attentive, punctual, and everything she needs in order. Only thing that encourage everyone is love. I feel that she is caring me and supporting me in every step to save me from trouble. She cares me like her own brother, kid (as she is matured old lady, and have a kid same to my age) or showing humanity to me. So, whenever she shout at me I started feeling that she is helping me. She is saving me from disaster. It is not easy for guy like me to bare someone loudness. Still I remember someone asked me toothpick and I gave her pen. Everything I tried but that goes other way round because I tried to compare with english words. Boss was saying me to turn the machine on, I went to close the door. Now, I understand what she actually was saying in that loud voice, “You are lazy, don’t you practice language at home? Buy a book and read practice at home.” My reply was “Yes, Yes”. Whatever she say I used to say “yes yes”, I have learnt few words which helped me a lot to understand basic conversation. Those all were verbs.

It has been a long time now, and now she is tired of me, she stopped saying anything. I cross my finger and sometime I expect someone to speak english with me, so that I could show my performance better, at least I could smile once. Whoever, I serve, I make sure they are satisfied and even though I don’t know language. Whatever she says repeat that word and used to ask my colic and she used to explain what that means. Luckily both of them could understand what I was saying. They taught me a lot of tricks and ideas how to make my task easier and understand what anyone is saying?

Now, I knew few words, still if I miss one word that will lead to different meaning as today she asked me to close the door than come and help her as she was so busy, I opened the door and was walking slowly, again she shouted I again said “yes”. She is fed-up, her reaction has changed these days, she just nudge her head and walked away. My reaction is as usual, smile, love, respect, and peace. Still this is helping me to survive and sustain in this totally different environment, different country with different language. A guy, born in village, foundation in town, grown up in city, dare to fly and spend teenage in abroad, today, still I dare to dream in the same way which I used to do; I dream while I am awake, because this will help to find the way to achieve it.

Felt good that I have learnt a lot from everyone, seen many things, known many people, worked with different culture and work place environment, listened various gossip, suffered from many things, reading habit, travelling, and achieving are helping me to keep my mind empty. Many things are left behind, some were beautiful, which I still miss them, some were worst I took them as a lesson. I still believe that – I am just the doer, god is deriving me.

Today, I feel really good that she helped me a lot thought I don’t know the language, which no one does here in abroad. I have worked with many people, in different companies, workplaces, but I felt warmth working here. I don’t have to listen any unnecessary things, work appraisal and work place environment is so good. As a result, today I am enjoying working with Chinese team and Chinese team are happy with my performance. We all smile at work, we all eat in same table, and I rarely hear loud voice and it has been long time I have not seen her finger. We have a conversation everyday. I am able to make her laugh. I felt really good with those philosophical words, many books, novels, academic qualification and adopting things quickly is helped me to survive even at hell, now this hell is turned into a heaven where everyone smile, share and positive vibe around.

Always, respect, love, and that will generate peace. This is the key of success.

Respect, Love and Peace.


Posted on

One of my friend said me before I leave London “my friend, if it was us we could have done everything but girls never thought about other’s happiness. They are cute, beautiful and lovely and I have no problem with them but in your situation if she just have done small thing which won’t harm her, you don’t have to leave UK. We are happy to help but they are not like us.” So, true, today after I leave London, I can remember this words which are so true.

It is really strange that I have to use this word. I always used to use such word which please everyone, which bring smile in everyone’s lips and feels civilised when they feel it. In this past 4 year in UK I have met many people, families, friends and seen dual face of everyone. Even the one you say close is your best enemy. I know this sounds funny but this is what I see as truth. One word “Yes” could have changed my life but in this past years I was waiting waiting and waiting but, your long nose still stretching upwards.

You can easily screwed by any girl. Unless she is unto you. If she doesnot have love for you, now you are one of the worst foolish in the world. You might have remembered her birthday, fancy gifts, night out, party, dinner; that’s nothing trust me that’s nothing. I have see 1, 2, 3, 10 more than that but every one are to be honest opportunist. They are happy to be with worst but not you. The only reason is you love her a lot.

The level of selfishness is uncountable. I even can’t measure that. But the truth is there was selfishness in your every step. Every words, words of care, words of love, words of meeting, words of proposal, because they are used to with it. I didn’t realise that there are many other behind me. There are many other friends whom you can talk, spend time, enjoy, have fun. I was the one of the silly boy, running back to you. I got to know once we were close and you betrayed me, that time numerical calculation worked in my life. My words were too confusing for you. Even you even didn’t bother to send me one letter. But the truth was I tested you and you failed, I succeed. Today, I don’t have to rely on you, as there are many other friends throughout the world. Very honest friends, and they are happy to help anyone who are in need, not only me.

You was so mean to spend $10, different drama every day for a week, fortunately, I got my friends worth more than million dollar. Even they put them selves in trouble but they trusted me. That is what I have earned in past few year. I have earned you from long time but you worth nothing infront of them. Because you are one of the opportunist girl, among all.

(written in one go, unedited)

Girl with Secret Love

Posted on Updated on

Dear Anuz,

It’s so surprising and unexpected incident recently happened between you and me. I even can’t believe that at the last moment I got to know the truth and you never thought to told about it. Everyone were so friendly and so easy going staffs. Everyone have lots of respect and I used to put objection in any thought if that need to be cleared. Everyone used to love my conversation. I used to make cracked jokes. All team members used to listen me and laugh with my humour. Not only that everyone could take my joke.

The moment  when you walk in from the car, wearing sun glasses. I never hear your greetings to any staffs. I used to feel really strange! Why you was not greeting anyone? You used to walk straight towards the counter? Later on I found out that there was kind of division at work place. None of them have started that tradition. 

The best part while I work with everyone is everyone wants to have different dish. Everyone appreciate and love the different dish which we all used to cook for everyone. In last week, you fancy dish cooked by me. What a wonderful world; you used to be so picky in dish. I am so happy to see that. I am happy that you liked that food. This is possible only after you like that food. 

Now, time was slowly rotating clockwise, even you used to stand behind the door and listen the conversation. I can still remember you was laughing in my conversation.

Finally, there was the day when you spend your most of the time in the kitchen. The girl who does doesnot even love to stand for 2 minute spend 2 hour easily testing tomato pickle, and preparing potato curry for all the staffs. What a wonderful world. I really love your honesty and you didn’t even hide what you have in your heart. Here I am not saying that you did wrong. 

There must be someone to create the environment, set up the workplace culture at work place. Even I know you do work and give a hand to other staff when in need. Not only that you are clever too. Clever in the sense you know how to handle customers. 

“I still remember you said to me let’s not put ginger in it.” I loved your closeness. I loved another moment  I said “come on taste this pickle”, you was rushing to get the spoon to taste the pickle. Once, twice, thrice, finally you might have felt awkward and you suggested me to ask to someone else too. You didn’t realise that you was lost there. You actually lost on me. There is nothing bad in doing that. I am sharing the good moment which I spent while I was working there. 

At the end of the day, you didn’t have that courage to stop me from going and I can’t guess and stay. It’s time to fly now from UK. After few hour I will be boarding in the flight for Germany. You will be reading this blog. This is beautiful world, with beautiful people around.  

With Love,


Novice Thougt

Posted on Updated on

Its time to modify the definition of my ambition. I have already lived almost half of my life. So what I am actually waiting for? Where are my those friends who miss me, message me invite me and gave me false hope of support? Someone waited me in Australia, some friends from Japan, even from USA. Even closer countries from UK like Belgium, Sweden, Norway, France, Lithuania, Portugal, friends from Israel. And everyone were close to me, even some of my friends gave me an idea to apply Qatar, Dubai as I have education of Uk. Everyone used to talk about happy life, good earning and better life. But, when I am ready, now most of the things seems miserable. Those hope from my friends turned into dream. One bad dream. Hope has turned into thunder, a big thunder, which has no meaning than destruction.

If I be honest I stop trusting myself. My expectation, belief, courage, desire, ambition were too cheap. It has no meaning than big talk while I share with other. It sounds good to listen but in reality even I can’t make that happen. A small clue will help me a lot to find the way of my success and I want to think higher. I love to make my own way and reach the destination. Even while I am composing this blog still thinking really big? One step in my life will lead me far ahead.

Life in UK begins with education and now it’s ending with money. In 4 years time, time has changed, I have spend thousands of hour in this country. In this thousand hour I have just earned thousands of Rupees. Those notes of thousand are valueless-comparing to my ambition. Ambition to raise the voice of society. Raise the voice of those people in Haiti, Russia, Europe, USA, Asian countries. Think higher, but not taller than your own height. I forget to be taller but thinking is still higher.

To write about myself is not easy. I myself feel I am too simple. And do I am still thinking that I can walk along with the dream of being admirable person! Do I still have a hope that I will raise voice of needy people (who are struggling even to afford enough food for the family), support to people of remote areas of Nepal. Work along with the project and show them the technique to be sustainable. Do I still carry my belief which I had shared proudly in front of classroom, with friends? How can I still carrying on same ambition? Its shame on me. I stepped back and thought myself, I am far away from my destination. My path to my destiny is totally different from where I could be or where I want to be. It is totally different. Now, its too late to turn back, or the path of money and the path of satisfaction is not related to each other. They are rivals in my life. I don’t know when I take this path of money. How and when did wealth related to my ambition? And this hope inside me still knocks me and whisper “There is always one chance in everyone’s life and you have not got even single take”. One foolish asking to another foolish mind. How long shall I walk with hope? 

And, I said to myself, “What a wonderful world.” Finally, I have decided to live this life. I will be witness of my own life. I will live my life in the way this world wanted me to live. I will still smile, be happy, make people happy, love everyone and give respect to everyone. There is no harm in loving everyone.

“One day you will stop telling lie, and start loving yourself. The day you will love yourself will start giving respect to others too. That day even you will say-what a wonderful world!!”


Love and Mother

Posted on

I am happy to keep my family photo in mobile wallpaper and screen saver rather than yours. I know how selfish you are. Even after I have faced your attitude, love, care, temper, good moments, beautiful moments and lovely unforgettable moments too. But I miss my mother more than you, I can feel tears in my mother’s eye, while she is drinking sip of tea in the morning, worrying before she go to bed whether I have eaten in time or not. Her love is pure than yours? I can feel, she always remember me while she has a bad dream, I can feel she want to see me in the evening while everyone in the family member are having dinner, even though she know I am in abroad. I can feel she want to iron my clothes, and make it ready before I know that. I can feel, she is ready to sell her ornaments if I need money, I can feel she know I am drunk still she acts she doesn’t know. I can feel she is always worried about my future, though I am in good position. She feels only she knows far better than anyone else about me, which is true. It’s not only because she give us birth, also, we are too close to her. Actually, it’s better to give all love to your mum rather than giving to those beautiful looking cute girls, with sweet voice. Once she is yours, yes, you can trust her, – but it’s too early to trust her. You never know what excuse she can make and only thing you can say is “Oops!! I shouldn’t have trusted her so quickly.”

I have a different experience, regarding this mobile phone screen saver, even social site status and cover photo or profile picture. I am not greedy in thinking but, love of parents is the only true love in this world. I have been through different phase of life, from very difficult to very luxurious. I always found mother’s love is such a different and always same. Same in a sense she still think I am baby who is careless, want someone to look after, who needs guidance, who needs more protection and still immature, any many more. I really love this. I really love the way mum talk to me. I really love her guidance, and she always praise me, push me and ask me to be more careful in every steps. She is never angry in anything. She is always worried whether I am hiding something because there are lots of rumour about abroad, especially about UK. I love the way she ask me about the current situation and life of students in UK. I even don’t have a clue but she always tries to find out what is the truth regarding my lifestyle in UK.

I love to talk with her for an hour-an hours in different topic. Every day she repeats same question still I am love to repeat same answer, but still she is worried, she will ask and is asking from last 4 years. Sometime, I talk about, lifestyle of UK, system, teaching methods, visa processing system, how hardly people work here, how painful here is life of old people, how people give respect to job. Sometime we talk about girlfriend. One best thing is I never hide about someone whom I loved and I always loved her curiosity,

“Bring her in Skype, I want to talk to your girlfriend”

“Mom, what will you talk with her?”

She simply replies, “like I talk to you, what is the difference between you and her? She is also daughter of someone so why you are not allowing me to talk with her?”

She is really cool, strong, and have a big heart. The love which I get from my mother is I can’t get from other girls. (Here I am representing girl as mother, even my girlfriend will be mother of our child too, but I found some kind of selfishness in her. Not one two most of them I saw they have a lovely word regarding parents but not for other.) I don’t mean they are wrong but I have a right to say at least there must be equal love for everyone.

If I be honest, there were few girls who came in my life. They loved me a lot. But, I have never seen their love as us. I have never felt same love for our parents. I am not saying that I am the only one who love parents. Even after marriage I have seen many people they want to be happy as you and me (as a couple) but not as ‘us’ as a family. It will be more better if we are happy with everyone, your family my family everyone together.

Here, I love to remember, Romeo and Juliet, Laila and Majnu, even Khalil Gibran, whoever they are, all love story is between you and me. None of the love story belongs to us, as a family our family, where there is uncle, aunty, sister, grandmother, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, father-in-law, whoever  are in our family. I might be to child to understand their love story. Although, if there is no love for family that love must not be great as we are reading, or watching in the movie these days. Our dad and mum’s love story must be great too, they love each other, I can see them happy everyday, I can see them loving, caring, and being romantic too. So, love between you and me and love with us is so different.

I have my mum’s picture in wallpaper and lock screen in my mobile. Many people found it strange. They don’t trust me. Even after a month few of my friend have cross checked my mobile phone. But they have same reaction “Ummmn.. Mum’s boy”. In my age, or let’s say teen age, youth may be I should have some other different photos. It might of Bob Marley, Jim Hendrix, Che Guevara, Carl Marx, or even some girl whom I love, or anything. Many people might have family photo in mobile’s screen saver or wallpaper. I am not only one who have this photo of my mother.

Even today, I have that same photo of my mother, I can see how much she is missing me in her eyes, so much love to express in her lips, the warmth in her lap, such a delicious food to cook with her loving caring hands, words of wisdom to share and those happiness which she has been collecting from my childhood to celebrate. She is never worried, panic, mother with hope and love.

Love to all mothers!!

In between, Whatsoever

Posted on Updated on

I feel warmth, welcome and love in this small but bright room. I feel so relaxed after long  shift. I see out of window, cool breeze, fresh air and dark night with rays of light from the houses around this place. Many things come, many dreams come and I enjoy this moment. My legs are hurting after a long day shift I feel relaxed when I stand by this window. There is just good and positive vibes around. There are many things to feel miserable, horrible, upset and sad. But why should I be sad? There is no point of being depressed or sad for past moments. Just smile just love and happiness. There is always good things accepted in this world. No one in this world like sadness, pain, anger, jealousy, moody, or upset. If there is something I don’t like or I feel angry still I keep smile in my lips that will change everything. Someone who is standing with me will smile with me because he have no choice, one have to reply with smile. What I give that’s what I get as return. That’s why always respect every single living or non-living beings in this world they will love you. They will think someday and smile with you. There is no doubt try it. There is no harm in smiling, there is no harm in saying sorry and there is no harm in saying leave it. You feel blessed while you forgive. Because this is what we all are trying to do in any way. Either by earning money or working or even though if anyone is born rich still they keep themselves busy because that will give them satisfaction.

What made me write this “Flat mates next door and downstairs, they always are upset in small things. Before how was your day, how are you, do you want glass of water, they start complaining different issues which they see all day and husband have to listen it. He is speechless, he can’t even say I am tired let’s talk later on. I feel so sorry for them. I don’t want to compare my life with them. There is little baby I don’t know what she will learn. People here they talk about culture, religion and civilisation. I am surprised, why they don’t try to love and respect each other. That is everyone’s first culture, happiness is religion and peace is tradition. Even at work everyone ask me I have never seen without smile in your lips. How are you so happy all the time? I reply them, I just love, respect, and see happiness in everyone at the end of the day whoever are around they are seeking for happiness.” In between, whatsoever that makes me happy!

Anyway, I imagine how those blind and orphans, disabled, paralysed people are happily living their life. We don’t have time to think about that we never compare our life with them we feel sorry for them but any time we might be in that place. So always love, respect, happiness and believe in self. I compare my life with tortoise how it can survive for 200 years? Tortoise is slowest reptile in the world, it have life for 200 years with such a heavy cell in body. Still he hides his head and still smiles and survive happily give birth to baby if they were upset with their life they would have stopped their generation.

Let’s love, let’s respect and be happy. The world wherever you are standing is happiest place we will ever find.


(P.S. Unedited)


Education and System; in UK

Posted on Updated on

The evergreen conversation in UK among international student is “Home Office”, “Rules in UK”, “Educational Institute-Revocation/suspension”, “Visa rejection”, “Settlement”, “Raid to search illegal immigrants”.

Whoever, you meet these are the common conversation topic “what is your visa status? How long is your visa? Or what are you planning to do?” Student of Asian countries wants to come in developed countries especially in UK, Australia or New Zealand, USA. We, as a student need big amount of money to complete higher education, or education in the university in abroad. The fee of university is much more higher than what our parents earn in 5-10 year time. Very few percentage of people can have maintenance fund to continue education for their child. Still, parents support their son and daughter.

Apart from education system, we as a student have to panic with home office rule regarding university and college suspension. Many International students can’t complete their education just because of it. No one will take responsibility regarding rules and educational institute revocation, Curtailment of student. Thousands of students are affected by it in last 2-3 year.

As, a student, we simply want to ask home office, “What is our mistake in taking admission to those institute and in the middle of nowhere they are revoked. Why we receive 60 days letter to change sponsorship?” How are we student related to that? Why are we victimised? While we apply for the college, first off all we had meet the criteria of educational institute, second home office criteria than we are allowed to stay as a ‘temporary residence permit’ until our course complete.

If I have one more month to finish my semester, I will be effected because I need to submit my assessments, dissertation and wait for awarding body certificate which will take more than 2 months. After that I will be able to apply. Not only that if colleges are revoked in such time while Universities or college do not have any semester, what student will do? We appreciate their might be some fault or mistakes of educational institute but how will we ensure that we made the right choice? In UK University or college can revoke any minute. Most of the college and universities are revoked or licence are suspended because of student’s criteria. Recently students who have attended Test of English for International Communication(TOEIC) are treated as committing crime. There are numbers of students who have done it by purpose. Many of the students have also attended IELTS test in order to prove they are capable in english. So, just only because of some students who have attended TOEC college will be revoked. Not only that attendance percentage of student is another major reason behind this. Although, there are number of students who are not attending college or have TOEC, why we are affected by it? Why the rule of UK can’t save genuine student? If we look at the major home office reasons there is no internal teaching methods, syllabus or teaching module. There is nothing to do with college and it’s teaching pattern, syllabus, or following rules and regulation of home office.

Is it fare just because of some bogus student we all keep changing sponsor twice or thrice a year? This country is said to have very strict in law in regarding any cases. Aren’t we are customer for UK? We are buying service in your price each year even after that we have to face such a difficulties. When we wake up we have to read the rule of Home office in UK is changed! There is new rule for International student. Why we all have to suffer just because of one or two in the university/college? The policy of Home Office must not effect include Genuine student. It is better to punish or only they should be effected by it. Put those criminals to jail. We are Genuine student who is attending classes, submitting assessments and want to get degree. We have done nothing wrong! On the top of that there is 5 year cap. We students are tired of changing sponsorship because of college or University revocation. If we have studied continuously we can complete degree in 5-6 year and go back to home country.

Each time we pay thousands of pound while changing sponsorship. There is no guarantee of visa but still we have to pay full university or college fee, which is non-refundable. We have to be responsible for our visa. Home office keep revoking college. We have to bring money from back home. Here, if we were not effected by college/university revocation, we could have completed degree which is our main intention to come in this country. It is very hard to sustain in UK much tough. Student have to bring money from back home in order to survive in this country. While we have to change sponsorship, either in a month time, 6 month time or end of academic year it costs more than £6,000 each time. Once university or college is revoked we won’t get the money back. Every students from first semester to final semester will be effected by it. One month makes a lots of difference in life. We are completing our course still we have to change sponsor in 60 days. In 60 days we even won’t get our progress report from awarding body. Students are even not allowed to work even 10 hour a week. It is better not to come in UK to continue education. Those students who are continuing their education are struggling to complete degree.

Home office won’t take responsibility, we have to forget all expenses including college fees which we had paid to college. It is better not to include everyone; punish those students who have done wrong, but not everyone we have to waste a lot of money. The money which parents/ guardian have in back home, it’s again time to bring in to UK. But there is no probability to rely on any educational provider. Although they are highly trusted, home office can revoke any time. We again have to find another college. Education system and International students keep changing their colleges that is the reason they are in same level from last 5 year or unable to complete their education in 6-7 year time. It is home office liability to ensure genuine students must not affected by college revocation. Existing students should at least allow to complete their course, and college must not issue any new CAS to the students once they are revoked. Currently the trend of college revocation and home office is very serious. Home office will shut down colleges in 2-3 months time or one year time, colleges will issue all CAS which home office have provided. Once college is revoked college wont return the fees which student have paid during admission. This is secure source of earning money for colleges. Open it, shut down, again open new college home office will shut down. Playing hide and seek between college and home office. We students are badly affected by rule and taking more than 5 year even to complete Bachelors degree.

I want to be….

Posted on Updated on

Now, the dream begins in our life. We exactly know where it is coming from. But we don’t know how we are dreaming? Whether it is possible to achieve it or not? Whether every one of the family member will be happy or not? That doesn’t matter we will dream.

“I will be doctor in future.”

“I want to be social worker in the future.”

“I want to be engineer in the future.”

“I want to be judge in the future.”

“I want to be social worker in the future.”

………..and so on.

These are the example when we are in lower secondary grade. Story of our school life. Next year another class teacher will ask those plans will change or remains same. But still we have our future plan. Still we won’t stop dreaming. Slowly, time is moving, we don’t realise that practically but we always try to be smart saying, time is passing, it’s moving, every seconds of our life is so precious. We say that but the truth is we won’t realise this unless and until we know, where we missed the track of our life. The major thing we do in our life is “big talk” always big talk. We want to win. We have learnt to win. We have to be better than others in our circle. It sounds good among us. Do I realise that, that is effecting my own life? Do I realise that I am doing less and talking more in my life? Only few people in life realise this because at the end of the day, while we grow up we realise that where we lost our way of success.

It is bitter truth that we want to be doctor, engineer, pilot, social worker, teacher, any officer. Also, Pilot, commander, crew member in ship or will go abroad and study technical professional courses. Or there are many more future plan. This is the age when we even don’t know what is the meaning of that? What is our capacity? What grades we need? How much it costs to be that? We feel “where there is will there is way” but sometime will is so less in front of way. There is no way to move ahead. Many dreams have shattered in people’s life. But they won’t still stop dreaming it. That is the reason, why we want our kid to do whatever they want in their life. We let them free. Because we were damn unsuccessful in our life. We always pretend we are happiest family in the world. We are the best in the world. Because our suffering has taught us a lot. We don’t want our kids to see the suffering, trouble, problem which have faced.

Here is one best part of our childhood. Our parents have lots of expectation, desire and hope. So, even kid have not started or even not in that track they start feeling glad and praising them. Our parents start helping them supporting them. They are more happy than we are’ they even feel glad even sharing kids future plan with friends, neighbour or  relatives. Everything seems so organised. Parents start counting days. When will their kids achieve their future plans? they want to see their kids achieving their dream. The tears of parents are waiting to see that day. Every mother at every family prays in the morning to see their child to be happy.  At a same time I will wait for my school life to complete. I will dream how and when to achieve. Start researching about those famous personalities. I will do my best. But many of our dream shattered like pouring water in the sand.

It is not that easy the way you are thinking. My life is so complicated that what even I thought. I am responsible for my own life but it is so hard. Today, when I realise that the water have made its own way and it can’t be changed because it is not water now; it has already turned into the river. To change the way of river is impossible. More than we imagined.

Today, I am asking myself, is money is everything? Or wasn’t my dream was that important than money, society, family or relatives? There is only one answer, I am responsible for my own life. Every human being in this world had got liberty to choose their own life.

(Unedited blog)

Dream, Deed, and Sentiment

Posted on Updated on

Now, another option is used gambled in lifetime. Doors are closing one-by-one. Time is slowly moving. Life is getting more matured. Things are running around. It’s not as easy the way I used to see birds flying in the sky. It’s not as beautiful as birds and natural beauty. It’s not as clear as the sky. Slowly I am finding — life is tough. There are seven colour in the rainbow, all are combined and they work together that’s why it looks really beautiful after the rain. The wet earth, clean sky, warm sunshine, with big 7 semi circle rainbow looks really good after rainfall. Even the bare tree smiles, shakes its branches and cherish, dance after the rain. But, life is not like that. The situations which we face everyday are complicated as time goes on. Dreams are not as easy to dream. It is easy to dream but to achieve is much more harder. Even while we reach closer it seems impossible, actually it is impossible. There is no doubt the railway track seems straight, while you board in train similarly the difficulties, the situations in our life which we have to face is much more harder than it.

Slowly, and steadily things are changing, it is not like the season, which will come again next year. Once it is gone, it is very hard to make it happen again. Neither it’s easy to capture. To build is more difficult than to dream. We all dream. Some people like to dream when they are awake whereas some people like to dream while they are sleeping. The only difference is when we dream while we are awake there is more possibility to achieve it. Because we plan it, we see possibility, we work for it and than we dare to dream. But from now onwards it’s even not easy to dream while I am awake.

There are many people in this world, there are many difficulties in this world, there are many possibilities in this world. At the same time, there are many tracks to achieve our dream. There are many possible track to achieve our dream. Most of the things happen for the reason. It is sometime too late to find out we need to change our track, our dream. Sometime we are scared to change our dream. We have a fear of failure, or fear of getting closer to our dream. But we forget that it was actually not for us. I don’t mean to say life is on air. It is not easy to express yourself. It is not easy to fix the situation. But remember it is always easy to talk. It is always easy to have big talk.

Now there will be no big talk, 13th of March have shattered my dream. There is always difference between dreaming from back home and from here. It is not good to be judgemental between the nation but it makes a lot of difference. I need to change my plan. I need to keep those birds in birds place, rainbow in rainbow’s place. This is right time to understand Railway track is not straight but while I board in train I never feel while it’s turning, or bending or changing it’s track. it taught me big lesson that sometime you fail and hard to achieve though it seems so closer to your achievement. I am responsible for ever success or failure of my life. Attachment and sentiments are like ice, which looks strong, but it doesn’t take even a minute to melt. Whatever happens, it always happens for good reason. I won’t be waiting for that reason neither the result but I will change the track of my life and try to walk along, let’s see how far it will lead?


Peace, Love & Respect

Posted on Updated on

I feel good to share and help everyone who are in need, who are around me. It might be you, he, she, or any stranger who is looking for my helping minds. It might be by giving my words, knowledge, wisdom, love or any help I can. It is part of my life to see everyone happy around the world. I always feel everyone should be happy in this world and that is only possible when we start caring other. When we have love for each other. It is to understand that we all should learn to respect everyone, i.e. elder, younger, old, even there is life in non living being. You give respect and love, you will get same as a return.

Always, share if there is anything which we are unhappy with, which we don’t agree, which bothers us. It is not necessarily to think who he or she might be but always it is very essential to put our opinion thoughts. That will stop conflict between us. We are all fighting, in the name of peace, justice, power, but the truth is there is personal selfishness hidden. Which won’t lead to right direction. It is very important to be specific and crystal clear in our opinion.

Even there is no need of arms, weapons or law is needed if we start practicing “always Love, Respect, and Peace” everywhere. This is only the way which will lead to peace and happiness. There will be celebration in everyone’s home. There will be music in every night at everyone’s room. There will be joke, love, sharing, and smile, peace in everyone’s home. This is very big thing in this world now. We can see people are being more egoist, cruel and selfish. But aside that those all people wants peace, love, and respect.

Our eyes are given to see things beautifully, which brings hope, smile and peace in our heart and mind. Let’s start imagining the world without weapons, evil, selfishness. It is possible only I, you, we bring that in practice. This will spread throughout the world. This will grow as the religion of humanity, civilization, and culture.

Posted on Updated on

DSC_1718 DSC_1738 DSC_1745 DSC_1763 DSC_1771 DSC_1787 DSC_1810

You are near to your destination.

Posted on Updated on

Yes, I thought to become a monk once in my teenage. I liked the wisdom of Buddha, I like peace. I used to spend hours in stupa. Wherever I go if there is monastery, than I used to lost there, because that gives me so much peace. It always gives me different feeling when I listen monks chanting mantra. The fragrance of incents. Peace and the revolving wheels. There is always smile in the face of monks. I feel they have big heart. Buddhist never try to publicise their religion. I think this is only religion where there are not many spiritual gurus. They follow one Rinpoche. Everyone have respect for him. 

Like I said I brought up in poor family. I still remember we have to wait for a month to have wai-wai noodles or nice biscuit. that costs Rs 10 those days and nice biscuit costs Rs. 9. My sister me and my mom used to go once a month at retailer shop. We used to get credit and pay once a month still my dad’s salary was not that enough to cover all the expenses which is needed for rent, food, and my and sister’s school fees. I still remember my mom gave me Rs 2. as she also have not much than that in my birthday to give sweets to friends. In those days whoever have birthday they used to give chocolate to whole class. But I can’t distribute to all. There was lots of desire in me. Everyone does it’s human nature. I used to see all the difficulties what my parents are facing. If the stove is not working my dad used to fix it himself. I used to help him. I still remember we have to wait for a month to cook meat. Wait for dashin festival to wear new clothes. There is no tiffin. I never asked too. I wanted to write with chelpark pen and I asked someone who comes to my home I used to go with him and request to buy that pen for me. Once my grandfather gave me money I said no I want to buy that chocolate and he bought me Chocolate which cost Rs.20, which was big money in those days. Once my relative gave me money I said no buy me lid pencil He bought me lid pencil. I used to see other people are in nice and fashionable dress. They used to travel at the places where they want. I was the one who have to get permission from home. So, in a sense I was looking for freedom and liberty. I used to think my parents were too strict. They always force me to study. I was never good in studies. I am Pass grade student. Till now I am pass grade student. I decided that when I complete SLC I will definitely start working and earning money. So, when I was student only thing in my mind is once I pass SLC my parents can’t force me to stay at home. I completed my studies. I wanted to be a Mechanical Engineer, from childhood. Even I don’t know what that means but I wanted to be. But unfortunately I scored second division in SLC. So, I thought to study commerce. I joined local +2. In that time I started reading novels and philosophies. First book I read was ‘You can win’, than ‘Arresting god in Kathmandu‘. Than I read ‘Sikshya men kranti’. That totally changed my life. I was like mad boy for society. Everyone was saying he is mad he is mad. I was too onto Osho. So, I started writing stories, poems, and participating in competitions. I used to be unique. Because my thoughts, poems are so simple but different. I read most of the book from library, and government library I used to take books in my friends name as he used to work in the government office. Time went on I came to Kathmandu, struggle, no job. After 6 months son of college professor gave me one opportunity. That was my turning point. I  used to walk 45 minute to an hour from patan to Dhalku. To save Rs. 12. I used to earn Rs. 1500 that time. Our accountant she used to give money partially Rs. 100-200 like that so I couldn’t save that money either. But I was dedicated to work not studies. I failed in Bachelors exam I have no words to tell parents so I did good at work. I started helping in charity work. I was still working with son of my professor. I always want to work with him, even if I go back to Nepal still I will work with him. We worked together. He trusted me in everything, we together worked really hard to run that charity organisation. I was in the field and he was in abroad as he got some work to complete. We both used to communicate via email.  I used to have office in my bag, stamp, stapler, donation receipts, brochure, camera, pen and notepad. I used to support whoever I see in the street is needy, school children. I used to call one of the board member describe the situation make a note and take picture and support by providing food or any other help. I used to satisfy with what I was doing. I get pressure from my parents to think about my future. I thought to work 10-5 duty. I started to work in banking sector. I feel really bad we both were near to our destiny, we were doing really good, we were expanding our program, many people were getting involved in our organisation at that time I have to leave it. Which was so painful for me. Poverty is the main reason behind leaving that work. I feel guilty that I have to leave that job.Now at bank Good job, clean dress, good salary, happy, travelling different places. Than I started to fulfil my desires which was from my childhood.

One day my friend share me about abroad plan. I agreed him I made a approach myself, Facebook was there to communicate with whoever you want in the world. I talked with one guy from Scotland he helped me a lot. I did accordingly. I got visa no one believed that I will get visa because I was never serious guy. I am her in UK now. Completed my education. I did what I was thinking to do from my childhood, I buy what I wanted to buy. I visited those places where I wanted to go. I read those books which I wanted to. Bought clothes, shoes which I wanted to get.

Today, I look back myself and thank to my parents who taught me mannar, civilization, culture and respect. Wherever I am they are very confident about me. They know I won’t do anything wrong. That restriction and boundary in my childhood lead me towards success. Everything I do, I always miss my parents. Everyone have supported to build my career. Now, its my turn to give them in a return, we were happy from childhood, I never thought that we were poor or rich, because we were happy. Everyone, used to take our family as example. We do not spread our hands to other, neither they taught me to. Now, I think they were absolutely correct to give us that environment. In those days that was quality life, living in the city, updated of every new technologies, access of everything. What else. They provided us basic need food, shelter, clothes. It’s my childish nature to expect more than what I need.

From my personal experience You will get liberty one day, the way you wanted. Liberty which you will build yourself. I am monk, I am hindu, I have respect for people from every religion.You will fulfil your desires which were remaining from your childhood, that biscuit which you can’t buy for a year you will love to get each and everything from your own income, which you have earned. You feel proud to be yourself. You will love to live your life being yourself. It is my own experience. You will thank to your situation that day. Because if that situation was not in your life you won’t be in this situation; strong, motivated, who knows the value of pain, sorrow, love, hate and suffering.

पुरुषसँग मेरो पहिलो रात

Posted on Updated on

तसलिमा नसरिन
विश्वप्रसिद्ध लेखिका

Taslima Naseerinमयमनसिंहमा प्राइभेट कोठा नपाइए पनि ढाकामा पाइन्छ भनेर रुद्र भनिरहन्थ्यो । तर, म कसरी ढाका जान सक्थेँ र ! रेलमा चढेर एक्लै जान त सक्थेँ होला, तर घरबाट अनुुमति देलान् र ! अन्त्यमा सान्दाइ मयमनसिंह आएका वेला ढाका जान जिद्दी गरेँ । ‘पहिलो वर्षको जाँच पास गरेको प्रमाणपत्र लिन ढाका जान्छु,’ भनेँ । ढाका पुग्नेबित्तिकै ‘एकजना साथीलाई ढाका विश्वविद्यालयको होस्टेलमा भेट्न जान्छु’ भन्दै सान्दाइको कोठाबाट हिँडेँ । र, सीधै रुद्रको कोठा गएँ । तर, रुद्र खुसी भएन । खुसीमा उपि|mनु वा पीडामा आँसु झार्नु रुद्रका लागि असम्भवप्रायः थियो । शिरदेखि पाउसम्म ऊ रूखको ठुटोजस्तै थियो । ऊ आफ्ना अनुभूति बाहिर देखाउँदैनथ्यो ।

रुद्रले मलाई साडी लगाउन दियो । सेतो साडीमा स-साना फूलका बुट्टा थिए । पेटीकोट र ब्लाउज पनि साडीसँग मिल्ने थिए । रुद्रकी बहिनी विठीले छानेकी थिई यो साडी । रुद्र आफैँले मलाई साडी छानेर कहिल्यै दिएको थिएन । पहिले उसले दिएको हरियो सुती साडी पनि उसकी साथी मुक्तिलाई छान्न लगाएको थियो । मचाहिँ रुद्रलाई जन्मदिनमा दिने उपहार आफैँ छानेर किन्थेँ । कुन रङको सर्टसँग कुन रङको पेन्ट मिल्छ, म आफैँ छान्थेँ । अरूलाई साडी छान्न लगाउँदा रुद्र मेरो रूपरंगबारेमा भन्ने गथ्र्याे, ‘अलि कालीखालको केटीलाई जुन सुहाउँछ, त्यही ।’

रुद्रले मुक्ति र विठी दुवैलाई हाम्राे गुप्त बिहेबारेमा भनेको रहेछ । त्यो रात उसले मलाई चाइनिज रेस्टुरेन्ट लिएर गयो । खाना खाएर हामी फर्कियौँ । मैले हाम्रो बिहेबारेमा कसैलाई बताएकी थिइनँ । रुद्रचाहिँ बिस्तारै सबै मान्छेलाई बताउन थालिसकेको थियो । त्यो रात मैले रुद्रकोमा बस्नुपर्ने भयो । तर, मैले जानुपर्ने थियो । सान्दाइलाई एक घन्टामा आउँछु भनेर हिँडेकी थिएँ ।

सान्दाइकोमा जान खोज्दा रुद्रले भन्यो, ‘दाइकोमा जाने कुरा नगर । तिमी मेरी श्रीमती हौ । यही नै तिम्राे सबभन्दा ठूलो परिचय हो ।’

‘तर, यो परिचयले म अहिले बाँचेको जिन्दगी बाँच्न सक्दिनँ ।’

‘तिमी अवश्य सक्छौ ।’

‘तर, मैले सान्दाइलाई आफू झुनू सानिमाकोमा थिएँ भनेर झुट बोल्नुपर्छ ।’

‘त्यसो भए पीर नगर । म झुनू सानिमालाई कुरो मिलाउन आग्रह गर्छु ।’

‘तर, सानिमा माल्लिन् र ?’

‘किन नमान्नु ? मैले सकेको गर्छु ।’

त्यो रात मैले रुद्रसँग बिताउनै पर्ने भयो । यो रुद्रको माग, आदेश, आग्रह, इच्छा, सबै थियो । रुद्रले भन्यो, ‘आज तिमी मलाई सम्पूर्ण रूपमा चाहिन्छ ।’

‘सम्पूर्ण भन्नाले….’

‘सम्पूर्ण भनेको सम्पूर्ण । पछिका लागि केही बाँकी नराखी …..।’

यसको अर्थ बुझेर मेरो मुटु हल्लियो । मैले गलत गरिरहेको छैन भनेर आफूलाई आश्वस्त पार्न खोजेँ । वैधानिक रूपमै म आफ्नो लोग्नेसँग रात बिताउन गइरहेकी थिएँ । मेरै उमेरकी हसिना त त्यसो गर्न सक्छे भने मचाहिँ किन सक्दिनँ त ? मेरै कक्षाकी मन्दिराले पनि सहपाठी सौकतसँग गोप्य बिहे गरेकी थिई । ऊ पनि सौकतको कोठामा गएर रात बिताउँछे भन्ने हल्ला चलेको थियो ।

अन्त्यमा त्यो रात आयो । रुद्रले मलाई उसको कोठामा लग्यो । सर्ट, पाइन्ट खोलेर लुंगी मात्रै बेर्‍यो र बत्ती निभायो । त्यसपछि मलाई बोकेर ओछयानमा लगेर पल्टायो । म मनमनै भनिरहेकी थिएँ, ‘अब तेरो बिहे भइसक्यो । बिहेपछि लोग्नेसँग सुत्नुपर्छ । तैँले सुत्नैपर्छ । सबै केटीको नियति यही हो ।’

सडक-बत्तीको उज्यालो झयालबाट भित्र पसिरहेको थियो । मलाई त्यो उज्यालो चन्द्रमाको प्रकाशजस्तो लाग्यो । म रुद्रलाई माया गर्थें । ऊ मेरो लोग्ने थियो । रुद्रतिर ढाड फर्काएर एकैपोको परेर पल्टिएँ म । मेरो गुडुल्किएको शरीरलाई रुद्रले आफूतिर तान्यो । म होइन, खाली मेरो प्राणविहीन शरीरमात्र रुद्रको अँगालोमा बेरियो । मेरा हात छातीमा लपक्कै टाँसिए । रुद्रले निकै बल गरेर छातीबाट मेरो हात हटायो । म काँपिरहेकी थिएँ । रुदले मेरो ओठमा गहिरो चुम्बन गर्‍यो । मेरो ओठ बाक्लो र गह्रौँ भएजस्तो लाग्यो । नचाहँदा-नचाहँदै पनि म रुद्रलाई जोडजोडले धकेलिरहेको थिएँ । रुद्रले एक हातले मेरो ब्लाउजको टाँक खोल्यो । उसको ओसिलो जिब्रो मेरो छातीमा चलमलाउन थाल्यो । अस्तव्यस्त साडीमा अल्भिएर म उसको अँगालोमा निस्सासिरहेँ ।

‘हेर केटी, आफ्नो लोग्नेले भनेअनुसार गर । खुट्टा फाडेर राख । यही नै त हो तरिका !’ मैले आफूलाई बारम्बार यसो भनिरहेँ । त्यसपछि मैले पूरै शरीर छाडिदिएँ । आँखा चिम्लँदै म आफू त्यहाँ नभएको परिकल्पना गरँे । ‘यो मेरो शरीर होइन । यहाँ जे-जस्तोे अश्लील काम भइरहेको छ, त्यसमा म पटक्कै संलग्न छैन । यो म होइन । यो अरू कसैको शरीर हो,’ म यस्तै-यस्तै सोचिरहेकी थिएँ । त्यसपछि रुद्र ममाथि उक्लियो । अब मेरो आँखामात्रै होइन, सासै बन्द भयो । तैपनि, यसलाई मैले आफ्नै लोग्नेले गरेको स्वाभाविक प्रक्रिया भनेर चित्त बुझाउन खोजेँ । तर, मेरो यो मनचिन्ते विचारको प्रक्रियालाई तोडेर घाँटीबाट चिच्चाहट निस्कियो । रुद्रले दुवै हातले मेरो मुख बन्द गरिदियो । मलाई असहय पीडा भयो । रातभर रुद्रले हरेक तरिका अपनायो । सामान्य रूपमा अपनाइने सबै विधि अपनायो, तर हरेकपटक रातलाई चिर्दै ऐआ….. मरँे भनेर म चिच्चाउन छाडिनँ । प्रत्येकपटक मेरो चित्कारलाई रोक्न रुद्रले मेरो मुख थुन्नु पर्‍यो । जब यो कहालिलाग्दो रात सकियो, थकित मैले साडी फेरेर कुर्ता-सुरुवाल लगाउँदै भनेँ, ‘म जान्छु ।’ मुन्टो निहुर्‍याउँदै आँखा झुकाउँदै मेरो बेकामे शरीर लिएर म टाढा जान चाहन्थेँ । रातको डर, लाज र घिनले बिहान पनि मलाई छाडेन । अपराधबोध पनि भयो मलाई । रुद्र मलाई ‘रुद्र’ जस्तै लाग्यो । मेरो लोग्नेजस्तो कति पनि लागेन । घर छिर्ने वेला बाटोमा उसले भन्यो, ‘राति नाटक नगरेकी भए राम्रो हुन्थ्यो ।’ त्यसबाहेक उसले केही भनेन । न त मैले नै केही भनेँ । म रातिको घटनालाई सम्भिएर चुपचाप बसेँ । त्यो सबको साटो बरु रातभरि पढेर, गफ गरेर, कविता वाचन गरेर वा निश्चल चुम्बनमात्रै गरेर बसेको भए !

बिहान सान्दाइको कोठामा पुगेर मैले काँपेको स्वरमा भने, ‘म झुनू सानिमाको कोठामा रोकेया हलमा थिएँ ।’

‘झुनू सानिमा आजकल त्यहाँ बस्दिनन्,’ सान्दाइले भन्नुभयो । बिहेपछि सानिमाका बूढाबूढीले विश्वविद्यालयकै घरमा एउटा कोठा भाडा लिएर बस्न थालेको सान्दाइलाई थाहा थियो ।

‘हिजो त्यहाँ आएकी थिइन् ।’

‘अझै कोठा छाडेकी रहिनछन् ?’

‘अहँ ।’

‘हँ.. अनि तेरो साथीलाई भेटिस् त ?’

‘अ भेटेँ ।’

‘नाम के हो त्यसको ?’

‘नदिरा ।’

‘रामकृष्ण मिसन रोडकी केटी होइन त्यो ?’

‘हो ।’

‘अनि त्यो त जहाँगिर नगरमा पढ्छे भनेकी हैन र तैँले ?’

‘हिजो ऊ पनि आश्मालाई भेट्न रोकेया हल आएकी थिई । ऊ पनि राति त्यहीँ बसी ।’

‘को आश्मा ? हासिमुद्दिनकी छोरी ?’

‘हो ।’

‘ऊ पनि ढाका विश्वविद्यालयमा पढ्छे ?’

‘अँ, हो ।’

‘तँ त तेरो सर्टिफिकेट लिन आएकी होइन ?’

‘अँ लिन्छु ।’

त्यसपछि म सरासर भित्र गएँ र ओछयानमा पल्टिएर रातिको डरलाग्दो त्रासदी सम्भिmएँ । त्यो रात ! मैले नाटक गरेको भन्यो रुद्रले । के त्यो स्वाङ थियो त ? आफ्नो स्वाभिमानमा चोट लागेको महसुस भयो मलाई । म बिस्तारै रोएँ । मेरो पूरै जिउ थिलथिल भयो । मानौंँ म भर्खरै सिंहको ओडारबाट फर्किएकी हुँ । हिँड्दा पनि कम्मर दुख्न थाल्यो । पीडाले गर्दा मैले राम्रोसँग पिसाब फेर्न पनि सकिनँ । आफ्नोे स्तन पनि ढुंगाको थुप्रोजस्तो लाग्यो । उसको चुम्बनको दाग बिस्तारै हरायो । मैले बिहेको कागजातमा सही गरेदेखि नै रुद्रले एकरात सँगै बिताउने कुरा गरिरहेको थियो । तर, बिहेभन्दा अगाडि पनि उसले मलाई कम गिजोलेको थिएन । प्रत्येकपटक भेट्दाखेरी रुद्र मलाई चुम्बन गर्न र छातीमा हात राख्न झम्टिहाल्थ्यो । तर, मैले आफूलाई बचाउन सकेकी थिएँ । मसुदको घरमा हामीलाई बस्न दिइएन । यही कारणले रुद्र मसँग निकै समय रुष्ट भएको थियो । मसँग एकरात बिताउनु उसका लागि किन यति अमूल्य

हो ? मैले कहिल्यै बुझ्न सकेकी थिइनँ । मैले उसलाई प्रतीक्षा गर्न आग्रह पनि गरेकी थिएँ । पर्खाइको पीडाको प्रतिफल पनि राम्रै हुन्थ्यो होला । तर, रुद्र पर्खिनेवाला थिएन । पर्खाइमा मजा छैन भन्थ्यो ऊ । म ‘आऊ, माया गरौँ’ भन्थेँ, ऊ ‘आऊ, सुतौँ’ भन्थ्यो । रुद्र भोको भिखारीको व्यवहार गथ्र्यो । ऊ सबै कुरो आजै चाहन्थ्यो, अहिल्यै चाहन्थ्यो । मयमनसिंह आउँदा ऊ एकान्तखालको प्ा्राइभेट कोठाको खोजीमा बौलाहाझैँ लाग्थ्यो । मैले खोज्न सक्ने स्थिति थिएन । तर पनि ऊ मसँग रिसाउँथ्यो । कुनै पनि हालतमा ऊ मसँग एकरात बिताउन चाहन्थ्यो । यसरी एकरात बिताइयो, त्रासदीपूर्ण रात । मेरो जीवनमा यस्तो होला भन्ने सोचेकै थिइनँ । मेरो मन दुख्यो । रुद्रलाई धकेलेर हुत्याउन चाहेकी थिएँ । तर, त्यसो गर्न सकिनँ । म अपांगसरी भएँ । त्यही कागजको अगाडि म हारेँ । त्यस हस्ताक्षरको अगाडि म पराजित भएँ । किनभने, त्यही हस्ताक्षरको मतलब नै विवाह थियो । तर, म रुद्रलाई माया गर्थें । मैले सोचेँ- मेरो सोच र विचारले मलाई एकैसेकेन्ड पनि चैनपूर्वक बस्न दिएन ।

मैले सान्दाइसँग झुट बोलेँ । सान्दाइले म सानिमासँगै सुतेकी होली भन्ने पत्याउनुभयो होला । तर, सान्दाइले के सोच्नुभयो होला, कसलाई थाहा ? तर, उहाँ मलाई आफ्नो आँखाबाट ओझेल पार्न चाहनुहुन्नथ्यो । त्यतिमात्रै होइन, मेरो साथीसँग भेट्न पनि मलाई एक्लै पठाउनुहुन्नथ्यो । सान्दाइले भोलिपल्ट मलाई आफै रजिष्ट्रारको कार्यालय लगेर सर्टिफिकेट निकालिदिनुभयो । दुई दिनपछाडि फेरि उहाँले मलाई मयमनसिंह ल्याएर छाडिदिनुभयो ।

रुद्रले पछि मलाई भन्यो, ‘तिमी मलाई पूरा विश्वास गर्दिनौ । तिम्रो मनमा अझै शंका छ ।’ उसका कुरा सुनेर मलाई साह्रै दुःख लाग्यो । मैले म उसलाई माया र विश्वास गर्छु भनेँ । मायामा सबैभन्दा ठूलो आवश्यकता विश्वासको हो । यो विश्वासको डोरी अलिकति कमजोर भयो भने माया गरिँदैन । मनमात्र पराइन्छ । रुद्रले एउटा चिट्ठीमा लेखेको थियो, ‘के म त्यस्तो अभागी हो, जसले सबै कुरा बलजफ्ती ठीक पार्नुपर्छ ?’

यस घटनाको वर्ष दिनपछाडि रुद्रले लेख्यो, ‘प्यारी अर्धाङ्गिनी, त्यस रात के भयो थाहा छ तिमीलाई ? पहिलोपटक तिमीलाई साडीमा देख्दा तिमीलाई एकदम भिन्न पाएँ । नयाँ मान्छेजस्तै । विगतमा मैले तिम्रो अरू नै चीज मन पराएको थिएँ । तर, यो पटक फरक छ । एकदमै अन्जानखालको आनन्द ! हाम्रो प्रेम नै भर्खर सुरु भएझैँ लाग्यो । यस्तो लाग्यो- पहिले रिहर्सलमात्र थियो । आजचाहिँ रंगमञ्चमा मञ्चन गर्दै छौँ ।

विगत डेढ वर्षमा रुद्र दुई-तीन महिनाको अन्तरालमा मयमनसिंह आइरहयो । मैले उसलाई सम्बोधन नगरेकाले रिसले गर्दा उसले पनि मलाई सम्बोधन नगरीकन पत्र पठायो । हाम्रो समय प्रेस क्लबको क्यान्टिनमा बित्थ्यो । क्यान्टिनबाट निस्कनुपर्दा हामी उपयुक्त स्थानको खोजीमा यताउति भौँतारिन्थ्यौँ । तर, सदाझैँ ठाउँ पाउन मेरा लागि असम्भव थियो । रुद्रको अनुरोधमा मैले साडी लगाएर उसलाई भेट्न गएँ । मलाई साडी लगाउन राम्रोसँग आउँदैनथ्यो । यास्मिनको सहयोगमा आमाको साडी लगाएर म साथीको जन्मदिन छ भनेर घरबाट हिँडेँ । त्यो दिन अलि एकान्तको फाइदा उठाउँदै रुद्रले मलाई दुई-तीनपटक चुम्बन गर्‍यो र छातीमा हात मुसार्न भ्यायो । घर फर्किएर उसले लेखेको चिट्ठी यस्तो थियो- ‘तिमी आफैँलाई देखेर हाँसिरहेकी हौली, हैन त ? वास्तवमा मलाई पनि हाम्रो प्रेम भर्खर सुरु भएझैँ लाग्यो । यत्रो वर्षसम्म हामीले एक-अर्कालाई खालि स्पर्शमात्र गरेका थियौँ । आज एक-अर्काको शरीरको …पनि महसुस गर्‍यौँ । एक-अर्काको मुटुको धड्कन सुन्यौँ । आज यस्तो लाग्यो, म कहिल्यै पनि यति सन्तुष्ट भएर तिमीसँग छुट्टएिको थिइनँ । तिमी बिस्तारै अनौपचारिक भएर खुल्न थाल्यौ । अब म नौलो संसारलाई चिन्न सक्ने भएझैँ लाग्यो । अब तिमी अझ बढी स्व्ााभाविक भएर खुल्नेछौ, अझ स्वतन्त्र हुनेछौ । हाम्रोभन्दा राम्रो प्रेमको घर अरु कसैकोे हुने छैन । तिमी हेरी मात्र राख मेरी पि्रय लक्ष्मी, अब मलाई अलिकति माया गर । हैन-हैन, त्यतातिर मुन्टो नबटार न, मेरा आँखामा हेर त, लजाउनुपर्ने कुरा के छ र ? तिमीले पहिलेदेखि नै चिनेकै मान्छे त हुँ नि म । यी आँखा, यी परेली, यो निधार, यो मुहार र शरीरलाई तिमीले थुप्रैपटक स्पर्श गरेकी छौ । अनि किन लजाउनु ? मलाई चुम्बन गर, आऊ मलाई माया गर ।

बिस्तारै-बिस्तारै म आफूलाई नियन्त्रण गर्छु । यदि यही तरिकाले तिमीले मलाई अलि-अलि माया दिन थाल्यौ भने तिमीले देख्नेछौ- म कसरी तिम्रो चाहना बन्नेछु अर्थात् तिमी मेरी बन्नेछौ । वास्तवमा माया भनेको दुई मुटु एक हुनु त हो नि, मलाई सडकमा उभिएर सबैलाई चिच्याउँदै सुनाउन मन छ- ए मान्छे सबैजना सुन । मैले माया गर्ने मान्छे भेट्टाएँ । हामी एकै भयौँ । राम्ररी बस पि्रय । मेरो जीवन, आफ्नो ख्याल गर ।

तिम्रो रुद्र ।

प्रस्तुत स्मृति नसरिनको वाइल्ड विन्ड नामक पुस्तकबाट विकास बस्नेतले अनुवाद गरेका हुन् / (published in naya patrika 2067.2.11)

Omar Khayyam

Posted on Updated on

Omar Khayyam was best known in his time as a mathematician and astronomer. His theorems are still studied by mathematicians today. His poetry really only became widely read when Edward FitzGerald collected several quatrains (rubaiyat) that were attributed to Khayyam and translated them into English as the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.

The common view in the West of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam is that it is a collection of sensual love poems. Although some scholars debate this question, many people assert that Omar Khayyam was a Sufi, as well as a poet and mathematician, and that his Rubaiyat can only be truly understood using the language of mystical metaphor.

His poems

1.AWAKE! for Morning in the Bowl of Night

AWAKE! for Morning in the Bowl of Night
Has flung the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight:
And Lo! the Hunter of the East has caught
The Sultan’s Turret in a Noose of Light.

2.Dreaming when Dawn’s Left Hand was in the Sky

Dreaming when Dawn’s Left Hand was in the Sky
I heard a voice within the Tavern cry,
“Awake, my Little ones, and fill the Cup
Before Life’s Liquor in its Cup be dry.”

3.And, as the Cock crew, those who stood before

And, as the Cock crew, those who stood before
The Tavern shouted — “Open then the Door!
“You know how little while we have to stay,
“And, once departed, may return no more.”

4.Now the New Year reviving old Desires

Now the New Year reviving old Desires,
The thoughtful Soul to Solitude retires,
Where the White Hand of Moses on the Bough
Puts out, and Jesus from the Ground suspires.

5.Iram indeed is gone with all its Rose

Iram indeed is gone with all its Rose,
And Jamshyd’s Sev’n-ring’d Cup where no one Knows;
But still the Vine her ancient ruby yields,
And still a Garden by the Water blows.

6.And David’s Lips are lock’t; but in divine

And David’s Lips are lock’t; but in divine
High piping Pehlevi, with “Wine! Wine! Wine!
“Red Wine!” — the Nightingale cries to the Rose
That yellow Cheek of hers to incarnadine.

7.Come, fill the Cup, and in the Fire of Spring

Come, fill the Cup, and in the Fire of Spring
The Winter Garment of Repentance fling:
The Bird of Time has but a little way
To fly — and Lo! the Bird is on the Wing.

8.And look — a thousand Blossoms with the Day

And look — a thousand Blossoms with the Day
Woke — and a thousand scatter’d into Clay:
And this first Summer Month that brings the Rose
Shall take Jamshyd and Kaikobad away.

I have collected those lines from website. You can see more details in http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/K/KhayyamOmar/

(Using my time in searching such a legends. From yesterday 2nd m

Peace For Children

Posted on Updated on

Peace may be defined as the process of acquiring the values, the knowledge and developing the attitudes, skills, and behaviors to live in harmony with oneself, with others, and with the natural environment. Peace is fundamental right of every human being. Children are not only the future of the nation but are the present as well. We all have equal responsibility for creating a favorable environment for overall development of children and for ensuring their rights. Children and peace are interrelated with each other; without peace children are unable to go school. From last few year children are kidnapping, killing and using in domestic war, and household works. The state should guarantee the food, shelter and clothes as well as the fundamental rights of all children; the orphaned, helpless, child at risk, and abandoned children. They are heart of nation because it puts education at the centre of its work for peace between children and their communities. Children can not wait for tomorrow. The name of children is today. The state should guarantee fundamental rights and peace environment for children. State should provide the access to education, guarantee free and compulsory education in the constitution to all children. Government should practice declaring “children are the Peace of Zone”. Don’t close the school in the name of political interest by any one. Guarantee the rights of child education.. Don’t discriminate children in any place by anybody in terms of race, caste, language, gender, color, religion, culture and differently ability condition. Political parties and their sister organizations should commit for implementation of “School as zone of peace”.. Government should formulate the special program and guarantee for better future of the children at risk, those doing low level child labor, abandoned children, armed conflict victim and affected children and street children and children associated with armed forces and armed groups.

MY RJ Friend; Bikal

Posted on

When I used to learn RJ training in Mandikhatar there were 6 friends and among them I am still in touch with Bikal and he is from Kathmandu.His interest was to be Radio Jockey but unfortunately he can’t as he have no communication and link with such persons.  I am sharing his email I liked this email. Here it goes.

“Hey man, how are you ?im so happy because you are still in my touch but those friend who are with me at the time of training are  slowly moving far from me .
PRANITA is busy in her job she has got chance in FM in her own village at kavre . shiva has got marriage before four month ago ,he didnot invite us. rojita, sita , Deepa ,and Rekha are not in my contact. so how about you? im still busy in social service .  i heard that Gurukul is going to be closed due to its internal misunderstanding, is it right? .I heard that it hasnot its own land so, plz give me the true information ok and how is your work going on ? Im still interested in anchoring but in Nepal we havent got any chanceitself ,those person only get chance who has power , position and money did you understand what im saying ?, so we have to hide our interest, talent and many more,   hey man we have to struggle but the word struggle is only good in dictnary because htere is no one who can motivate us. ok man at last “DO GOOD ,BE GOOD “and stillremain in my touch.BYE.     ”

Then I response his email. It is nice to get such a true friend. I am happy to get him.  Bikal we are meeting soon.


More in next update.


White Space

Posted on

There was no music
on the written page

before white space
intervened between

words and sentences,
lines and stanzas—

and words were grateful
because it sometimes

lifted and carried them
when they leaned

into it, and the better
they got to know it

the more they admired
its immaculate condition—

which made them feel
all spotty, so they hoped

if they rubbed elbows
with it long enough,

something of that purity
would rub off on them,

they began to aspire
to music’s wordlessness,

since everything they did
was meant to point

to something beyond
themselves anyway—

maybe if they slowly dis-
appeared into the white space

no one would miss them,
they thought, in a fit

of longing and self-pity,
maybe they should retire

and leave the stage
to music’s unblemished

perfection—but as they were
clambering down

they saw that without them
white space was nothing,

their part in things was
modest but crucial—to

hang around outside
the jazz joint that looks like

a hole in the wall, urging
passersby to stop and listen:

there isn’t much to see, but
the music is really something.

Sharon Bryan

Sharp Stars
BOA Edition

for more visit http://poems.com/poem.php?date=14546


Posted on Updated on

Walking in street alone,

riding in bike alone,

working in office alone,

eatng alone,

travelling alone,

reading alone,

facing problem alone,

laughing alone,


wow!! I love this word alone,

as in adverb,

as in verb,

as an me…

WHY??? I have no answer of this word alone. I like this word a lot; may be I wanted to be alone or may be I am alone or  may be this is misery. Whatever it is I love this.

When I go to cinema hall I love to be alone and watch movies whether they are comedy or they are emotional. Want to laugh and emotional. I enjoy what comes in front of me may be this is what I love. I feel that we must enjoy life in any way I can. After watching movie ‘Into the wild‘ and ‘Cast away‘ I feel that I can live alone and enjoy. But sometime I feel may be I am in town and fed up with these hectic schedule and same routine works.

I want to roam around the world. Before it I want to travel throughout Nepal. Most of the places of Nepal are heaven. I love peace. It is one reason I want to visit different places. I will take photos or movie and like to do solo Photo Exhibition. Now I am working at Premier Finance but I do not think this is proper place for me. There is no more work for me as well. Yes, if I could put my thoughts then there I will enjoy my job. But I enjoy in lunchtime, when eating lunch i.e momo, noodles, cholia aachar cheura and bhatmas or whatever.

This is only life we get so why to feel sad or disappointed with life. Why we fade up from life? I do not see any reasons to be sad. But before it we must understand what time is and what is infront of us. Here infront of us also indicate time. We must ensure that we are happy with what we are doing, rather then being upset with self. There is external factors we are unhappy with. Why we should blame?

Life is full of joy. Lets enjoy life. Either by being with self or being with whomever we are.

Alone I found one of the easiest way to live life.

Cheers!! To those who read this..

More in next,


(Location: Quest entertainment office)


Posted on Updated on

2066/6/24 I have collected the information of patient (Ranke, Rolpa); Chandrakala Rana. I have made a paragraph and information from them. This information is collected with directly interacting with Patient’s (Chandrakala Rana) husband Sarvajeet Rana. From last three month Chandra kala is ill, body is swelling. They do treatment with local doctor, but there were no changes. They went to Dang for better treatment and waited for result. When there was not any progress in her wife’s health they have decide to come Kathmandu by selling their property. Without any reason Chandrakala is ill, body swelling is her symptom. Before 14 year she was suffered from Tuberculosis’ and after taking medicine for 18 years from Dang Hospital she was recovered. Its second time she is hospitalized in Teaching Hospital in one month. In the very beginning they come to Teaching and after the treatment in emergency ward they were discharged. They paid Rs. 3000 at Hospital. Though doctor said to take medicine and it will recovered but again the disease increases. They went for better treatment in Alka Hospital, hospitalized for 8 days. During one month she is being hospitalized for 3 times. Now she is in cabin of Teaching Hospital and within this one month’s duration they have spend Rs. 59,000. He is walking with cash Rs. 1,000. According to Sarvajeet Rana he sold his land of Rolpa worth Rs. 60,000; currently he has Rs. 1,000 cash in hand. None were seriously ill like this before. Chandra Kala is only one who got serious illness. He has 9 family members with father mother and one son with four daughters they all age below 16 yrs. Meanwhile she is hospitalized in Teaching Hospital and her infant of three months is in Rolpa. Professionally Sarvajeet works as porter; from it he earns Rs 150 per day and works for 20 days a month. So his monthly earning is Rs. 3,000; disposable income per member is Rs. 333. It depends on time sometime he have no works to do. Though, food grains are major source in family but the grains are not sufficient for them; with those crops they eat for not more than three months. They are waiting in Teaching hospital for some magic or some person who could show them way for Chandrakala’s treatment. Once they have come to Kathmandu from Rolpa Rankh VDC-3 for treatment, they still do not know how long does it takes to recover. They have no more money and no more people to ask for money and no more land to sell…….


Posted on

What the hell this life is? OR what the joyful life is? We like to enjoy in every moment; where ever we are, where ever we go. Every one of our circle love the word BINDAAS which means “I AM HERE TO ENJOY THE LIFE BY BEING WITNESS OF EVERY MOMENT”. Where ever we go we rarely go alone and when we are the venue will dance, sing, quarrel and laugh with us. Its what we all like. We love to enjoy either in sorrow or joy. Most of the time we are busy in our own task and when we are free we meet and continue crack jokes, discussion, task of Mao, Che or the review of English movie or criticism of Nepalese context, situation or some one whom we do not like.

 We are four sometime five sometime six and sometime one. Like the pillar; each pillar contains its own significance. Either me, Siddhi (chane`), Gokul (Gule/Chadke), Ramsharan (Tode`e`). Therse are the pillar of gossip. None of them likes to compromise; conclusion is to quit the topic and leave place until next meeting. We all deserve each habits, its incomplete without every individual person habit. Without that habit its boring. Sometime we quarrel and do not talk for a long time as well. Afterwards, we are for each other. Is not it? Again same routine -gossip, laughing, daru, mojo, cards, discussion, travelling in bike, sharing movies, chasing eavh other, dominating each other for fun, not commenting in face book and all. We all do such activities to enjoy every moment of life.

 I do not know my own character how could I know about their? They love me, or not, they deserve me or not, they want me or not or etc etc. I have no concern with all these. We are that’s all. There are other friends as well in out group. Some like Gokul, some like Sid, and some like me, OH! I forget some like todee` as well.

 Let’s keep it secret, but I want to share about them, hre it goes..

About me:

About Gokul:

About Ramsharan:

About Siddhi:


Finally we are still not togehter but we are together when in need, either physically or emotionally. We are enjoying every moment of life and will enjoy in coming days.

Liver Transplation (Nepalese Context)

Posted on Updated on

Hi all,

In the context of Nepal – we are far from many facilities even we do not know from that disease we are suffering from. I am sharing one true story of one child here it goes like this- Ayush is a 3 years boy of a middle class family from central Nepal. Ayush’s parents were so happy when they got him as a first baby. But happiness did not remain longer. Since 3rd month of his birth, he has been suffering from jaundice cause by Alagille Syndrome.

You can directly follow above link for this http://www.ayushmaharjan.com.np/ Several efforts were made to cure him and many doctors examined but not able to properly diagnose. He has then taken to India for treatment and the Doctor recommended him for liver transplantation. It was recommended 2 years ago. But due to lack of financial resources and lack of proper knowledge about the liver transplantation, his parents postponed the liver transplantation. Currently, he is suffering more and needs help from you. Your suggestions and supports can save him. Please help him by sharing your knowledge, experiences and resource that could give life of a young child. Few of Ayush family are helping him. Now, his father is planning to support such liver suffered people of Nepal in any way he can. In Nepal there we do not get better treatment, one can transplantation liver, from India. How is it possible for the low economic status people. Pls forward this message to as many as you can as we need to start supporting such children. It is not the story of Ayush only, one day this problem suffer in our family as well.can happened in your family as well. I am sending this email without any selfishness; I can do whatever I could for the best of the society.


CHEERS for you support.

I want to learn- “How to Love!”

Posted on Updated on

I have deleted this page….

Today I am at Home;

Posted on

Today I am at home. I did not made any plans for this Saturday, neither did friends. I am waiting for call of Shikha. (these are the words composed yesterday). She did not ring neither she respond my sms as well. I tried her cell was switched on too. I sleep late night, tried to read novel, I read few pages then I sleep, radio was on. Gokul wished my birthday, after 12 O”clock I switched off my cell.

Today 31st of Jestha 2066 and today is my birthday as well. My date of birth is 31st Jestha 2043.  I was supposed to wake up early and go somewhere and rest for a while, but I choose safe side as if I went then parents questions a lot where am I going for what purpose where you will eat and all, so I sleep for late. I wake up and ironed clothes. After a while ate rice and sit infront of computer with nepali folk song.

Within last year 2065  I want to remember what I have done and what are left to do.

  1. I went to tour with Ranga Nepal for 3 days Pokhara, Bandipur, Chitwan. Where Dr. D.P Bhandari, Amrit Bhadgaonle, Sashi Sigdel, Poet Manjul, Swornima, Shristi, Bivhor Baral, Saprem Archana, Tagendra Magar, Shree Om ‘Rodan’, team of Emari travels association with Tourism Board. It was good experience for me I learned a lot in that travel. I knew that Emari Travel have a package tour of Rs 500 for each destination, they did this to increase internal tourism. For the first time I went Pokhara  and Bandipur. After few days my exam was nearer but I went.
  2. Amrit Bhadgaonle write journal in Kantipur National Daily, there he wrote about me as well.
  3. In ECS magazine my group photo was of the same travel.
  4. In the magazine of Ranga Nepal cover and last page I was there in group photo, and was my story published.
  5. My family had signed contract land with Sanjay Kutu (Nepali Film producer) but he lied with us actually he has no land at all. We give him 5 lakh in advance but he used that money for more than 7 months. Finally I started to deal with him and I meet him at Thimi and did not let him go, he has cash in his vehicle then he returned our money.
  6. Organized program at gurukul, Purano Baneshwor; there we sold ticket of drama “Karnali Dakhin Bagdo Chha” Siddhi and me did it, here we get name of Kehi Garoun and for charity we did this for the support of Koshi Flood victims. We have to sell tickets around 300 but we have no manpower it was quite hard for us. But fortunately it was last day of drama and everyday media was focusing the drama review so the croud was eager to watch this drama. Fortunately we luckily made our program success.
  7. In the next day article was published in The Himalayan Times, adding my name. Its my 3rd or 4th time.
  8. I failed in examination.
  9. I purchased mini-handy cam. My plan is to travel different places and capture it and give it to media. I did not succeed in it. I will continue it this year as well. I used that camera in the wedding ceremony and in dashin, tihar.
  10. I increased my hard disk in computer, I have to save all my movie clips in computer and edit it for it I increased hard disk and speed up ram as well.
  11. went to Charikot just to enjoy. We sleep at Bus at Midnight.
  12. I started to email all known and unknown peoples via email. Most of them say bad word to me and most of them enjoyed as well. When I get forwarded email from other I used to compose paragraph and email it. Most of the emails I compare with Nepal and email it. Those emails were different then other, this is like awareness program. I did this for more than four months. I update my blog (www.surajpok.blogspot.com and www.happinessisjourney.wordpress.com) and started to write blog as well. In my email signature I wrote my office website my contact number and my name. A lots of email friends phoned me some of them are still in touch some of then said not to send such email some of them are not in touch, with some of them I meet and they are not in touch as well.
  13. I made 1600 and more email address. I used to send email regularly to them.
  14. Ramesh Sharma was the one who used to send me different kinds of email. He was at Dubai. I meet him in email and when he returned Nepal I arranged his one night stay settlement. I also sit with him for one night.
  15. I purchased a lots of books but completed none.
  16. I resigned from Kehi Garoun and I be board member of same office.
  17. After resigning I joined Premier Finance, Jawalakhel and started to work full time.
  18. Travelled in motorbike upto charikot.
  19. Once we were drinking at Baneshwor, after that day 2 day was holiday so in joking we went to Charikot in motor bike at 9 at night.
  20. We chased girl and talk with them, play swing, at Dolakha Festival.
  21. When returning from charikot I see one girl we were at Charangee, we take our snap. When returning I throw sheet of paper showing that girl, there was my contact number. In the next day she ring and we talk for whole night in our cell. After few weeks we meet and she was crazy with me. She has a boyfriend as well  but she wants me. Now she is not with me. That was attraction of my life. She was crazy with me.
  22. I watched more then 80 english movie, once I used to watch every day. All were knowledgeable, and those movies were award winning as well.
  23. I enjoyed with my friends in funpark with sukkha roti, tarkari,aachar, and a cup of tea. I loved back side of airport as well.
  24. I watched the aarati of Pashupati Temple in the evening for the first time.
  25. Enjoyed wine, different expensive café and smoke, and all. Once I enjoy my day with friend in different café with Carlsberg beer.  I taste Carlsberg beer, sizzler, for the first time.
  26. Purchased guitar, but I have not learned till now.

aa.  I fall in love with one whom I liked before 2 year. Eh He! She is Shikha.

bb. I buy dresses what I liked

  1. Scarcity of money from 1st Baisakh 2066

dd. I went to rome along to Lumbini. I have just Rs. 1500 but I went alone with my camera and handycam and traveled with harmonica hoot of public transportation and my one day travel.

ee.  This year I did not enjoy English New Year at Thamel.

  1. I take leave from office and went to roam with Shikha for half day.

gg.  Among all of my contacts I do not meet three friends Krishna Pokhrel, Jyoti Rai, and Pragya Thapa.-


Anyway, I tried to remember all my incidents and evaluate how far am I. this is only tools I found to know my capacity and what have I done within this year.

I had switched off my cell and there was a lots of sms-es I enjoyed a lot and feel really happy. Shikha ring me as well. I was at Central finance Kupondole. It made my day.

 May be I enclosed with my other friends are meeting at FunPark in the Evening.

Thanks for all who love me.



Posted on Updated on

The Goal In Life Is To Unite The Conscious Mind With The Soul

Braid T. Spalding went to India-Nepal-Tibet in 1894 with a group of eleven scientists. He stayed for three and a half years researching and translating the text of their ancient spiritual scrolls.


“The Masters accept that Buddha represents the Way to Enlightenment, but they clearly set forth that Christ IS Enlightenment, or a state of consciousness for which we are all seeking—the Christ light of every individual; therefore, the light of every child that is born into the world.”


“Life lived by the average individual is hypnotic; that is, the majority of men and women are not living life as it was intended at all. Not one in a million feels the freedom to live how he or she inwardly feels they should live. They have come under the world opinion of themselves and this is the opinion that they obey, rather than the law of their own being.”“They live under the delusion that they are mere human beings, living in a merely material world, and the only hope of escape is to die and to go on to what they call heaven. This is not what was intended in the plan and purpose of life. Obedience to one’s inner nature, the expression of life as they instinctively feel it ought to be expressed, is the very foundation of life and the only true mode of living. True mastery is living the instruction of the inner teacher, the inner self, and not seeking the opinions of the world.”



Why do 4 year old children laugh?
Maybe because:
They live in the here and now.
Everything is new and a delight.
They harbor no grievances.
They are hard to offend.
They have no cares.
They feel no guilt.
Most adults love them…
And their Mother and Father,
Care for and comfort them.And adults don’t laugh anymore because they are care worn and guilt ridden and are world weary of it all. To be free again, as a child, adults need to learn to laugh again and live in a fashion that laughter implies.


“The gathering of thoughts from teachers and books, building them into the conscious nature of ones being, is to establish a false understanding which is largely hypnotic. The mere making over of one’s consciousness according to the thoughts evolved by another’s mind is to impose a false condition on the individual.”


“Have you not noticed that when you speak what you feel, just as when you do what you feel is right, that you are free? Also when you speak that which does not meet the sanction of your innermost feelings, you feel you have limited or bound yourself. Notice the difference when you act according to someone’s instructions and when you obey what you instinctively feel to be the right thing to do. This of itself should teach us that the way of life is from within out.”


“Seek not the law in your scriptures, for the law is life, whereas the scripture is dead. For I tell you truly, all living things are nearer to God than the scripture which is without life. God wrote not the laws in pages of books, but in your heart and in your spirit. I tell you truly, that the scriptures is the work of man, but life and all its hosts are the work of our god.”“You do not understand the words of life because you are in death. All manner of abominations have their dwelling in your body and your spirit…so the word and the power of God enter not into you…for the body is the temple of the spirit and the spirit is the temple of God.”



“The mind is completely unified and harmonized by denial and rejection of every thought that does not spring from one’s innermost nature. This clears up the entire stream of consciousness that leaves the individual free to think and act as he should in perfect harmony with the Universal Mind. This is the very essence of mastery.”


For one
And All
For none
At All.


“One need not try to love everybody but they must eternally seek to keep their nature whole through the increase of love. When one’s nature expands in love, they will sooner or later find themselves in a loving attitude toward all men and, in this attitude, they not only lift themselves but all those around them into that same oneness. There are no divisions in an awakened sense of love.”


This is a collection and I want to spread this as we are in misery; it may not be the truth but it is fact.


Till next words bye,




I Remain Forever

Posted on Updated on

A cup of tea,

Your love

A sip of lips

Chasing tongue,

The feeling,

Your image in eyes,

Gentle smile in corner of lips

And memory of – that lip

I am dying –

In memory

In feelings.



I am alone in this world,

I am surviving with my dream,

I have not seen you

Neither you

I have not listen

Nor you…

But we love each other

Without our presence

Without knowing each other

Without listening each other

I am blindly happy.


I do not who are you

I do not know,

Whether you are born or not

I do not know

Whether you are seeking me or not

I do not know

Even you love me or not

I do not know dear

I am blind in your love

Though you are unseen


You may be a source of love

You may be combination


We are not together,

So, I always love

As I do not know whether it remains

Until I meet you or not

I am loving you

So, where ever you are

Just feel it.


I am spreading my love

Through old people

By helping helpless people

 By listening child

By feeling pain

By feeling sorrow

By talking in self


When you see old people


Poor people

Helpless people

You can feel me in their heart.

I will remain forever,

Though I die,

You can feel me dear.

As I am remaining forever

Just for YOU.

Saturday, 13th September, 2008

World; I Dreamt

Posted on Updated on


If I had the power and place then I would the change the world. I would not make this world the area; I would not make the territory. I would not make the king president or minister. I would let the people do their work what they want but by not hampering other. I would first make all the people literate in their work-study or say their interest. We all will are the equal partner in the world. No people are discriminated, dominated by other. Everyone should respect each other either old or young or child. Everyone must respect each other. There will be the independent business for each other. There will be no means or transaction in the world, as the money had already made the big violence. World war was occurring to show the power, to conquer the world. People will share their product share their needs with everyone then have the dependency in each other. I would not make the wine and alcohol. I would not make the destructive things banned the cabins, casinos, bar, pub.

The main thing I would do is make the people literate in this world. So, that they know that the life is fantastic journey in this journey we must not hamper other because one day he will be traveler and he will hamper other. I would not make the people to do this and that because they can do whatever they like but being conscious in the work. When the wine alcohol, money, treasure, fame, racial judgment, slaves, gender etc will vanish there will be no war. The world will be the garden of the wise person, no fear, no tension, no anger ness, and no mean etc.

There is lots of option to lead the world. Leading means making the people of the world slaves. When the word slaves enters in the mind then there will be the union there will be more than two teams and from the team they need to win to win they have to fight, when they fight there creates the plans to destroy, destroy means the vanish.

World president, hero, actor, criminal, student, servant, king, orphan, and widow, whatever will die? Then the fossils of the conspiracy will remain in the people’s brain then they transfer to new generation. Generation after generation it will goes on lasting. It will not end. Then can we imagine living in peace. Either the violence is with America, China, Nepal, Peru, Boston, Australia, Hong Kong, Russia, India, Pakistan, Switzerland, London, or any country it will remains somewhere in the brain so we will be frustrated indirectly.

From today, we will say ‘no’ for war, for the conspiracy.


SAY ‘YES’ for knowledge.

Start from you then it will planted to the world, do not think of other be wise and practice for the wise ness, smoothness to survive peacefully in the period of life.

When Time Slaps!

Image Posted on Updated on

Festival of Love


The pond is smelling,
dead air- speechlessness of tortoise;
Church bell
Priest Vedic mantra,
Monk’s chant,
The noise of Sankha
Ram Ram!!!!! Ram Ram!!

The wind howls through the tree,
The thunder screams
Shattered dream,
Broken heart
Rape of thought
Melody of Saxophone,
Pigeon plumage – clearing the ear
To listen the Silence!
Land with no Black coat
Butcher’s autopsy;
Owl-avoiding daylight
Dancing  colour of cloud!

The diamond don’t sparkle,
love looks arrogant
River stops to paint the bank
Tighten the violin string,
Melody of crow
assembly of Eagles
My love, you must be in deep sleep.

The smell of mud,
The message of clouds;
Sprouts of beans, whisper-I am alive!
Corps, frog and pond.
Lotus, Love and throne;
Tears in Crocodile’s eye.
Past, vast and penetrate.
Life like disentangle hair.

I am criminal
Carrying Death.
I am criminal – having love
I am criminal-Chaos of thoughts
Shedding tears,
Origin of Turmoil
Punish, I am criminal.
Empty castle in-will give justice
Romeo and Juliet have danced there.
The mantra of Compassionate Buddha is humming- ཨོཾ་མ་ཎི་པདྨེ་ཧཱུྂ༔ (Om mane padme hUm)

माया त अामाले दिनुभयाे
तिम्राे माया करारकाे माया
न त जारि मितिकाे ठेगान्
न त अन्त्य नै।

“I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.”
-Emly Bronte

Waverley Hotel in Edinburgh, Scotland’s clock is 5 minute earlier. I have heard that is because the traveller or anyone get things done in time, and downstairs there is train station so no one misses the train. We do things according to time. Now a days it is much more easier we have cellphone. We have wrist watch, we forget it and follow cellphone’s clock. Train timetable is always trouble, either I have to be in time or wait for next train. I hardly understand the meaning of time. Time will tell. Let’s wait for time and many more phrases are used and there are million saying regarding time.

“It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.”

  • J. R. R. Tolkien

There are many authors like Aldous Huxley, Charles Dickens, Anthony Burgess, Thomas Hardy, E. M. Forster, Emly Bronte. Everyone is such powerful authors in the history. Very few are familiar with them but it is recommended to read them.

“If I could I would always work in silence and obscurity, and let my efforts be known by their result.”

-Emly Bronte

Mahabharat says “ No man should set himself to any task depending upon the counsels of another, for the minds of two persons seldom agree in any particular act.”

It is hard to understand people. It is hard to accept challenge, it is hard to build patience, it is really hard to demoralise self. One word “Time” will teach and give a nice slap on your face. That time we won’t get time to return that slap. We are never ready to get such slap but we are happy to accept and give fake smile. In other word, there is no other option than accepting this. This is the time we stand still and have fake smile. Those philosophies, learnings, education, teaching and understanding won’t work. There are many assumptions, many ways to console. It is truth that any kids we meet we are always happy to give a smile. We have time for that which means we are still onto it and we love to be kid for a while and we play with them. We found our childhood there. We find our kids in them. We are still searching for same innocent love. We are still looking for care.

Train and telephone never waits. Train board in time as well as telephone buzz. It never waits; runs and buzz simultaneously. In a same way the situation which we create never are in our favour. The hardest thing for kids is to finish the homework. The hardest thing for lover is to make various types of love in every moment.

Team of Thoughts

Aside Posted on Updated on

A broken chair will always make noise once it is repaired. My life is broken chair but I am saving it with even a 1% chance of survival because the death is not what I am scared of. “It is not the vital monitor that pronounce death. It is doctor who gives up on his patient.” As long as doctor won’t give up, it shows that the patient is still alive.

fullsizeoutput_14c7Based on incidents, experiences, and knowledge, I have practice to build courage. We are aware that everyone have story and we think our problem is the worst one which other people can’t feel or understand. In fact problem does not exists.

This is the story of hospital. I was lying in the hospital bed for 16 hours, waiting for surgery. Such place where those sparrow, crow or flies will never see this emergency ward of hospital. The big corridor, patients lying in the bed with bottle of Clyne, total silence, smell of cleaning products, empty stomach, rushing doctor and nurses. While nodding head-either right or left I can only see patient with hanging Clyne, most of them keeping their hand either on stomach or in forehead, I don’t know why? I can’t do both because one hand was injured even can’t move that one whereas another was with siring, Clyne bottle.  There is no timetable to fall asleep and wake up. The noise in every few minutes, phone ringing, or gossip between staff working in the hospital or nurses for regular follow-up won’t let proper sleep. Obviously it is not easy to wait 16 hours, counting every 5 minute to wait for the call. Remember bathroom is strictly not allowed.

I finally come to the decision in people’s life nothing happens, it’s us we create. It’s us we should blame that we are unable to think and make right decision. I would like to take myself as a stupid fellow. How to react? Who will be responsible after my any action? Off course me, off course I should be responsible, because I was the one to plough words.

Life will go on, there is no doubt, there is nothing best or better, and everything is awesome. Our need and dedication gives us happiness and we feel good after achieving it. I never judge whether I have understood clearly or not. But, always ready to grasp and tackle any difficult situation. We have to make some effort to attempt, to achieve it.  But without trying we will regret or feel sorry for the situation. Here are some examples and some effort;

  1. I have never thought that I would be able to come to abroad because I was weak student but smart in other extra curriculum activities. Mind that not in intellectual activities, talking with people, eating, making plans, travelling, it means good at useless things.
  2. I haven’t shared with parents regarding applying for abroad, because I was gambling my fate. Also, I tried to find out how is it possible to go abroad without paying full tuition fee. I didn’t feel like going to consultancy because I don’t want to pay them money. I googled and collected information’s, found one Nepali guy and with his help I achieved abroad plan.
  3. I was always in search of joy and happiness, or what kind of job I love, so I listed things which I wanted to do in my life, and roughly made a plan, some were like impossible but still I could achieve. Finally, I started working at charity organisation happy to be with those kids who were so lovely, assist with educational material or feeding twice a week.
  4. I was with my friends at Sundarijal, was enjoying there, I saw one lady standing on the edge of rock, I told her “Life is very beautiful, don’t stand on too edge, be careful.” Later on she shared with us she was there to commit suicide. She was suffered from domestic violence; her husband is officer in police force. She came back with us. Once she rang and shared she is living happy life. I don’t know now but that time she got her new life.
  5. I found guy from Nepal in Facebook from where I wanted to go to my dream country Scotland, Scotland national dress is Kilt and Scottish slang is probably best in the world. So that guy helped me a lot, even he talked to university. Off course I don’t have good grades in my student life.
  6. To hurt knowingly is not my piece of cake but, without doing anything still people will get hurt, slowly we will gain enemy. It does not make any difference but never forget to apologise this is wise deed.
  7. Financial matter always comes front, whoever is that, we always feel that is problem. It is unbelievable but once we start making a plan and exactly we can figure out where are we leading our life, write it down we our self will see the solution, those notes will give us solution. Off course it will. It sounds funny, but everything is funny here. Nothing is average or similar even check the pair of your shoes it is slightly different, check it; though that is made from same machine.
  8. It is never good to underestimate anyone, even we think that our mum won’t be able to use smartphone, let’s say I phone. I will give my example, I want my mum to get engaged bit more, and learn new things. It was not friendly with her for few weeks now she do not want to leave smartphone. Stop brainstorming. We never know what will happen but off course if we lead a path that will lead to destination.
  9. It was hard time while I first came to Kathmandu. By the time I was engaged in job, and more involved in travelling, friends gathering, and fun. There were plenty friends, if I have to reach Koteshwor from Baneshwor it takes an hour or more because on the way I meet people. There is always time for cup of tea with friend.
  10. After reaching abroad, I realised while I was in back home I was living life, that is so much luxury whereas, the facilities and liberty is which I am getting here. I knew and felt it’s only me no one else will make my life. I have to be independent. This will teach what life actually is.
  11. If you like something be honest and see how it works, do not pretend, hide or act. But need to have patience regarding this. Patience to listen, patient control your anger, patience for everything.
  12. I was rude, aggressive, and high tempered guy, but from each incident I updated. Everyone can do it but we are lazy and are not ready to practice or accept it.
It is never late to start. Swami Dr. PrapannaCharya he died last year, he was in India working somewhere, in the age of 30 he realised he want to study, he started it and while he was 46 he is Doctor Prapannacharya. One German monk started learning Chinese while he was 90-year-old. Everyone was surprised he is 90-year-old what he will do by learning Chinese? And there are more than thousand signs in Chinese language? The monk answered, it’s never late to learn. I am learning for myself not for other it doesn’t make any difference whether I am 9 or 90-year-old.

I have to live today so tomorrow exists. This is my personal dogma. This is my set of belief, in summary I feel it. Among many I believe this it is my assertion. Which is helping to live with full of joy and love. There is ups and down in our life there is no doubt. I have faced and tackled debacle. I guess I will never know what will happen in a minute. I belong to the society. I belong to family, friends, and this universe too. Repeating philosophical words and being optimistic sometime tastes paranoid fantasy; thinking like a victim whilst displaying extreme, irrational distrust to others. At the same time my beliefs stench and directly or indirectly effect. It lasts for few seconds and band together and scares me of deportation. Isn’t that’s poetic? Talking about feelings is disaster, which sounds good in words. In reality set of beliefs, philosophy is for self-help that will hardly influence people. There is no doubt knowing or unknowingly everyone has set of philosophy which derives them. At least sharing stories, experiences and very little things makes me feel good. I never counted blog reader but there is no doubt I read my blog myself according to the situation. It is always written in different situations which has travelled with me in my life. There are very few blogs regarding prediction. I never tried to write biology and but effaced many thoughts which hurts other.

Love, respect and Peace.