Open Letter to Death

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Now, another option of lifeline is gambled. Doors are closing one-by-one. Time is slowly moving. Life is getting more matured. Things are running around. It’s not as easy the way I used to see like the way birds are flying in the sky, and I used to fly with them. It’s not as beautiful as birds and natural beauty. It’s not as clear as the sky. Slowly I am finding — life is tough.The wet earth, clean sky, warm sunshine, with big semi circle rainbow looks really good after the rain. Even the bare tree smiles, shakes its branches and cherish, dance after the rain, waving it leaf. But, the definition of life has changed. The situations which we face everyday are complicated as time pass by. It is easy to dream but to achieve is much more harder. On the other side dreams are not as easy to dream. Even while we reach closer it seems impossible, actually it is possible. There is no doubt the railway track seems straight, while you board in train similarly the difficulties, the situations in our life which we have to face is much more harder than it.

Slowly, and steadily things are changing, it is not like the season, which will come again next year. Once it is gone, it is very hard to make it happen again. It is impossible, neither it’s easy to capture. To build is more difficult than to dream. We all dream. Some people like to dream when they are awake whereas some people like to dream while they are sleeping. The only difference is when we dream while we are awake there is more possibility to achieve it. Because we plan it, we see possibility, we work for it and than we dare to achieve. But from now onwards it’s even not easy to dream while I am awake.

None of the music will help to overcome from what I have lost. There are no words which will heal my pain. There are no one whom I could sleep in the warm lap. In the night I feel every stars seems they are calling me to join them, twinkle at night and make children happy. Let the kids have stars in their eye forever, allow them to dream that stars are so beautiful and let them be happy. It would be great that children could talk about the star with friends, ask many questions about stars with their mother. Let them sing the rhymes every moment.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are..”

This is the story of love, story of friendship and story of hope and togetherness. It will never ever happen again in lifetime. Very few words could describe your presence and many time I feel you are missing me badly or you are around me. In my every happiness, in my success and in my loneliness you are always around even while I was in Nepal. I don’t know why you left me behind and you pushed me come abroad for further education. You were there for my parents. It is undoubtable you did not let my friends to miss me and you have recovered my absence. There are many good moments and dreams which we have spent together. It has been more than 4 years that I have lost you physically but while whole Nepal was crying in Yama Buddha’s lost, my eyes are still wet in your lost.

You won’t get silly friend like me who knows that you won’t make it but I was the one to push you and you make it happen. You was the one who is scared to lie and I was the one to ask for parrot reading. I still remember how you lied to your brother and persuaded to buy a bike in loan, I was the one to arrange everything finally you made it and made your dream come true in a week. We used to respect each other wish and make it happen. You was the one who is not ready for English test and I was the one to say you are better than me, let us do combine study. Every night we used to meet at Kantipur Complex canteen, than Santinagar to have Khashi ko soup with drinks and study at night. In a week’s time you was ready and made it happen we both have scored good. How could I forget even in the staff party you have arranged VIP pass for me and we have had an awesome time at Soltee hotel. That was the time when I get chance to meet most of the top celebrities of Nepal. But, I am not silly friend for anyone anymore, that was just meant for you. Even I can’t be nicely silly for a year,I came to abroad for further study but I was waiting you here. I never felt waiting is synonym of tomorrow which never comes. 

I will try my best to make it happen to make documentary which we had planned and you wanted to study Journalism (specialising in film, video and photography). I won’t let that go, this time I can’t make it, while I was in Nepal but someday I will definitely visit those places which we had planned to visit like madman. Very few people will remember whoever we lost their closed ones. It is bitter truth. It is not surprise that I miss your presence I always feel you are somewhere with the lights, in the air, in the same sky which I see everyday and the dancing cloud which follow me every moment. I do not want you to come in my dream that will make me feel bad because you are always with me while I am awake and I always feel good you are in my surrounding and laugh with me, cry in my pain, sleep in my tiredness, cherish in my happiness and be a part of my silly things as always. You are never lost and wont let it happen. It is not my promise because you are always with me.

There are many people in this world, there are many difficulties in this world, there are many possibilities in this world. At the same time, there are many tracks to achieve our dream. There are many possible track to achieve our dream. Most of the things happen for the reason. It is sometime too late to find out we need to change our track, our dream. Sometime we are scared to change our dream. We have a fear of failure, or fear of getting closer to our dream. But we forget that it was actually not for us. I don’t mean to say life is on air. It is not easy to express yourself. It is not easy to fix the situation. But remember it is always easy to talk. It is always easy to give big talk.

Now there will be no big talk, 2012 October have shattered my dream. I need to change my plan. I need to keep those birds in birds place, rainbow in rainbow’s place. Kantipur Complex’s canteen in same place, because if I wait any other person that won’t be like waiting you. This is right time to understand Railway track is not straight though it is bending or changing its track but it let us feel it is running straight, it taught me big lesson that sometime you fail and hard to achieve though it seems so close to success. Whatever happens, it always happens for good, but this does not applies in your lost, this is consoling line for pessimistic thinker. I won’t be waiting for that reason but I will change the track of my plans and try to walk along, let’s see how far it will lead. You are my friend and will always remain friend you are not here physically but you are immortal. I am here because it was your courage and plan to come abroad otherwise one villager from lower class family with lots of responsibilities have to think take permission from rich people even to think about abroad. But you made it happen in one go. I fly for abroad and Prabin even didn’t waited me to thank you?

Leftover friend,

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