From Heart

Sex | Psychology Today

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“Homosexuality” is very famous in the western world. Some of the countries are still  fighting for their right. The appropriate word for this topic is LGBT, Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. It is found that from 1930 people started to talk in public and got viral, though it took so long to legalise. Ancient Egyptian history based on hastily drawn image of homosexual as well as heterosexual sex. From Ramesside period it is found king Niuserre of fifth dynasty of Egyptian pharaohs, circa 2400 BC; gay based on a representation of them embracing nose-to-nose in their shared tomb. Based on middle kingdom story King Neferkare and General Sasenet has an intrigue plot of king’s clandestine gay affair with one of his generals.

China define homosexuality as the passions of the cut peach which is recorded from Han Dynasty approximately 600 BCE. Interesting part is, many Chinese literature were based on homosexuality from ancient time. Middle Eastern cultures took it commonly and many poetry was written on same-sex love. Even today I am remembering this topic. While I compose this blog I have to be in their place and feel it, than write it or I have to be in bank Bedand count the fish. I am in Dilemma. I am choosing difficult one. 

Moving around the world we can meet various category of people. Among them one mass of people which I met are too much onto on sex. I even have no idea that they are pathetically pervert or, there are more to see in this world. It may be the culture hence the reason they are dull on sexual civilisation. It is much more than this words could describe. I am away from their conversation because I have already crossed the path of imaginationary world. For me, it is so surprising because based on my experience talking about sex will be an interesting conversation and there will be discussion which is needed. While I was living in UK I have many friends whom we used to talk for hours and we used to talk about romance too. Table of 8-10 people, eating Turkish dish, Reki (Turkish strong alcohol) and the conversation after midnight because we finish our work at 11, night. We used to jump in the car and find the venue most of the night. Even there used to be equal participant of girls and boys. She used to drop me every night home because I am the last one to live bit far then other. So, we used to talk about sexual experience, funny moments, work time funny incidents like while counting the stock. Most of the stores in UK, is underground. I first time was scared it is like tunnel, I could feel the water in the wall, really cold looks like bunker of soldiers. It used to take an hour to count the stock. Not only that the freezer is on for 24/7 to cool the barrels of beer.

Turkish Reki was always good companion for us. We could just see the snow outside the window we could not feel any cold or wind at all the temperature is normal because of air condition. The fun starts from snowfall. We even don’t have to figure out what it means the laughter goes on and the funny incidents in car, store, bathroom, or in the club, pub or mostly in cemetery. While rolling the bottle game was going on, once the bottle faced towards and the question was “ have you ever had sex in the Church?” This was the question repeated again. It may be because I am from different country, and want to know about me. May be this is the reason I was never treated different, and I was the one who want to go to eat in the restaurant every night, but the problem is transportation. I need to change 3 bus and wait for long time. I hate night buses because of drunk people and waiting time is too long. So, better eat in the restaurant have a gossip, and someone will drop me home. This time was so hard for me, whether to tell the truth or tell lie. They know that there is no doubt in my case, but they want to listen my funny part of story. Most of the story I tell them sounds funny.

“Anybody wants lift home.” Birthday girl sister shouted from the back door of the restaurant. Everyone was so surprised she and her family have just left the restaurant after celebrating her sister’s birthday. And she came back to the restaurant? She is not drunk either.

“He will go, wait.” Everyone pointed me. I was funny, because the last task of restaurant is putting the chair back and I am so lazy to do that always find some other things to do. Today at the right time she made a call. “Sweetheart, do you want wine or whisky.” (The laughter goes on)

“You got the right guy today.” Boss said, (laughs).

In such way, every time is just laugh, laugh and laugh. The funniest thing happened while I came in this country. I was serving one table I just felt something is wrong. Later on I knew they are regular customer from 20 year and they are gay. Another coincidence is always next table customer have a baby. Off course they are noisy, and crying out loud. I saw them every weekend for 6 month every week next table is baby and crying making too much noise. “Do they have any difference if the kids are playing around them, making funny questions, speaking so nicely, having good voice and so innocent, does it makes any difference to them? Do they have any feelings or something?”

Back to the same topic, early in the morning this people talk about sex. They are too onto in search  of brothel. I have never heard any day they managed to find one. May be this is the reason one have already brought sex toy. This is strange OR straight world, people want to buy everything. Everything is so cheap. Hence the reason, LGBT has been spreading like religion, many people are trying to find satisfaction in it. People are so much suffered by trust, love, and expectation. Even brothel have made people much cheaper then they should actually are. There is no law or boundary to control. It is available in every flat, each colony and any city. We all know it but we never wanted to stop it. It will grow more but won’t stop.

I see many LGBT are happier and healthy then other couple here in this city. They got few calls, and social site bullying than other does, they got limited circle than other does, they have fewer but special friends then other does, they have more time than other have, they achieve what they have to than other, they manage to do what they have to do as they are not occupied in such problems like other do. They are LGBT who have limited love, limited friends, limited responsibility, but very lovely people in the world. Who have to face different behaviour for the first time. But they are also able in many things, many of them love playing games, Playstation VR (i.e. For Honor, Ubisoft) They just have to keep in imagination about having kids. They can just feel the stomach of pregnant lady but cant be pregnant. They have to be discriminated by uncivilised people. It is difficult task for them to find the date. They have to face prejudice or violence and hate, still they struggle in the society to be alive. They are tagged as third sex. But they don’t have brothel like we so called heterosexual people have opened.

Dancing Rain

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Let’s write something new. Let’s not talk about Anu. Let’s not talk about any philosopher. Also not about Painter or writer. Or let’s not talk about family, friend, wife, husband or boss. Let’s talk about something different. Something different which we like. It is different and really stupid. Stupid topic, silly topic. To find such topic is not only different it is hard or easy or it might be  challenging. Zhang Hang was Chinese statesman poet and inventor, but he wrote nice lines which might be suitable or might not be. 

Ah, the chaste beauty of this alluring woman!
She shines with flowery charms and blooming face.
She is unique among all her contemporaries.
She is without a peer among her comrades.
– Zhang Heng

I don’t want to talk about him because I don’t want to touch about such love which brings excitement and rhapsody which I think in this world is impossible without building ourselves. Because I always feel none of us have understood that love is something immortal which is not like coal which we burn, or like the water, like the game which we never knew who will win, even not the pleasure, also not like the chemistry, which generate something new after mixing with other element (very common is H2 + O2 =H20; which is so common).I don’t want to answer the product of love. It is something which we should understand unknowingly, without expressing, without touching, without seeing like blind people do.

I even didn’t felt like talking about poet today because there are several poets who are so much onto in the words which will let us fall in their words. I am just the reader not among those who have quality that they have several way of reading poem and easily analyse preposition, adverb or verb they could judge it word by word.

“O Friend! we are near you in friendship,
Wherever you set foot, we prostrate ourselves like earth
How is it permissible, in the religion of love,
That we should see your Creation and neglect to see You? “
-J.Rumi

Sometime I find myself in these words, I find myself in the pain, I find myself everywhere, I see myself in the paintings of Pablo Picasso because I don’t exist nowhere. It means I have not understood the life closely, love closely death closely and myself closely. Hence the reason, I still love the world because I have nothing to gain, and nothing loose. The level of stupidity has gone so ultimate long time ago. For the four year I was in mad in love, whom I have never seen, actually we both have not seen each other. Certain image comes to the mind, calm, cool and lovely enough and live in the imagination world, and could touch the air, breeze of love, ray of sunshine, colours of rainbow is part of stupidity which we love to do. None can disturb our imagination. We can imagine Meera, either Roman girl of 15ht century, Even the world can’t find her name still have her statue and painting is in the museum of Greece.

Kazakhstani dog tried to save drunken boss to take him off from the train, pushing, pulling, nudging, dragging, barking he put his all effort to save his master but unfortunately he died stuck by the train. The world remembers the dog but not the master who brought him up. Here is no paradox of thrift it is the the truth of what dog did was to save the life of another creature. Sometime I feel because might of all these reason Buddha left the world because he is too tired with himself. He have nothing to do tomorrow, and being silly I ask to myself why can’t he search everything from his home being with his family? On the other hand Socrate is another example, who is happy to drink poison, just to prove himself. But he left the word and he even don’t know whether it is proved or not. 

It is all people’s hobby, interest to make life more important in different way we can. I feel similar to romantic love story movie, heroin leave the hero and hero have good words to her, like

“I am sharing my experience in abroad. It might be offensive because it’s your life, I am not your boyfriend anymore. Ask to your classmate about life in USA, it’s not the way you are thinking, abroad is different. Better you must just focus on your career, none of us take life so simply (not practically though), you can think your life for yourself not how other people or friends are living. Because you don’t know what is the truth inside them or in their family. So, you take yourself as a world, and make a plan what will you do after reaching USA. Don’t think that you will celebrate or will go to Niagara falls, Victoria park or any parks, clubbing, pic of cocktails. You will get all those things while you are walking with life. The day will come. Make a plan first off all and listen everyone, but don’t forget you know what you want and why you are there for. Many people talks shit and that makes you frustrated, you will get good job don’t rush to work in the fast food restaurant and Indian grocery . US is full of opportunity. Get the job with the qualification which you have. There are plenty agencies and online jobs are available. Apply there. Which city and college you are going? Is everything arranged? ask how much is the rent, deposit and other expenses too. Ask are you living with room-share or flat share because later their might be problem if you have sharing room. Try to get one single room for yourself. You have broken me, my life let’s not go on that, but don’t broke yourself. Be strong and try not to trust anyone, keep distance with everyone. Pay college fee first off all, so that you can focus more on your studies. Don’t think about how to settle in USA but think that you want to be qualified first because once you have a qualification the world will welcome you, I mean you can easily settle anywhere. I don’t know but if you are in relationship talk to both sides, don’t do paper marriage just to bring him in US cause later on you don’t know what will happen, it’s so short time to trust him. If not, if you think you can handle talk to mum and get married and than process for everything. Get all things which you can’t get in US cause most of the daily using accessories are so cheap you can buy there. No need to get food that may cause problem in the US airport unless and until it has a mark. But in US airport security checking is so strict so it’s better not to be greedy and take food. You can get everything in US. Don’t be too much excited and don’t be too much frustrated, take it as a normal, focus of your parents and off course your dream to be registered doctor. Don’t get me wrong.  To get angry is human being nature. I am one of them , anyone will be like this not only me if they were in my situation. Now you will know the life I am sharing what I have learnt. By the time goes you know everything about abroad make sure you don’t rush. Be calm. Take care of yourself. Don’t trust anyone, eat in time, good luck.”

And this one dialogue of hero will be so much emotional and many people feel their similar story of their life. The movie makes silver jubilee or this scene goes repeatedly touching to everyone mind because they can listen their own feelings in this. The scripture knows what are so simple words to choose so every class of viewers would understood what the dialogue tries to give message. On the other side the heroin flies abroad and be happy with another hero. Still the story goes on, she never misses him but he miss her most of the time that brings tear in audience eyes. Even the hero doesn’t know what would have really happened, the story takes another twist, that again make audience happy, generates ego, selfishness, and revenge. Writers are so sensetive who have the quality to enter in every readers mind. There are some writers like Rezso Seress committed suicide after writing ‘Gloomy Sunday” such a beautiful Hungarian suicide song during second world war. Many have committed suicide, BBC have banned this song, because many people committed suicide. Kimitake Hiraoka, a actor, playwright, prologue Japanese author, The author of “The Painted Bird” a highly controversial story  during second world war unfortunately even he himself committed suicide in bath tub plastic wrapped bag in his head, some feminist writer like Virginia Woolf body was found dead after 3 weeks, and there are many more, I am not a writer, to even imagine such heavy task which is even hard to accomplish while sleeping.

I have already omitted Anu from my writings. So one character of my blogs are forced to die. Sometime, I feel I have murdered my character from my life whom I used to feel so lively and could see anyone in the street and give the same name. I have never done anything for anyone may be hence the reason, it is so painful to commit crime than to sacrifice. I never love violence, and wont be in future. That’s why sometime I feel life is like music we can try but it depends we can learn and try to make the melodious tune or just make silly noise.

Open Letter to Death

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Now, another option of lifeline is gambled. Doors are closing one-by-one. Time is slowly moving. Life is getting more matured. Things are running around. It’s not as easy the way I used to see like the way birds are flying in the sky, and I used to fly with them. It’s not as beautiful as birds and natural beauty. It’s not as clear as the sky. Slowly I am finding — life is tough.The wet earth, clean sky, warm sunshine, with big semi circle rainbow looks really good after the rain. Even the bare tree smiles, shakes its branches and cherish, dance after the rain, waving it leaf. But, the definition of life has changed. The situations which we face everyday are complicated as time pass by. It is easy to dream but to achieve is much more harder. On the other side dreams are not as easy to dream. Even while we reach closer it seems impossible, actually it is possible. There is no doubt the railway track seems straight, while you board in train similarly the difficulties, the situations in our life which we have to face is much more harder than it.

Slowly, and steadily things are changing, it is not like the season, which will come again next year. Once it is gone, it is very hard to make it happen again. It is impossible, neither it’s easy to capture. To build is more difficult than to dream. We all dream. Some people like to dream when they are awake whereas some people like to dream while they are sleeping. The only difference is when we dream while we are awake there is more possibility to achieve it. Because we plan it, we see possibility, we work for it and than we dare to achieve. But from now onwards it’s even not easy to dream while I am awake.

None of the music will help to overcome from what I have lost. There are no words which will heal my pain. There are no one whom I could sleep in the warm lap. In the night I feel every stars seems they are calling me to join them, twinkle at night and make children happy. Let the kids have stars in their eye forever, allow them to dream that stars are so beautiful and let them be happy. It would be great that children could talk about the star with friends, ask many questions about stars with their mother. Let them sing the rhymes every moment.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are..”

This is the story of love, story of friendship and story of hope and togetherness. It will never ever happen again in lifetime. Very few words could describe your presence and many time I feel you are missing me badly or you are around me. In my every happiness, in my success and in my loneliness you are always around even while I was in Nepal. I don’t know why you left me behind and you pushed me come abroad for further education. You were there for my parents. It is undoubtable you did not let my friends to miss me and you have recovered my absence. There are many good moments and dreams which we have spent together. It has been more than 4 years that I have lost you physically but while whole Nepal was crying in Yama Buddha’s lost, my eyes are still wet in your lost.

You won’t get silly friend like me who knows that you won’t make it but I was the one to push you and you make it happen. You was the one who is scared to lie and I was the one to ask for parrot reading. I still remember how you lied to your brother and persuaded to buy a bike in loan, I was the one to arrange everything finally you made it and made your dream come true in a week. We used to respect each other wish and make it happen. You was the one who is not ready for English test and I was the one to say you are better than me, let us do combine study. Every night we used to meet at Kantipur Complex canteen, than Santinagar to have Khashi ko soup with drinks and study at night. In a week’s time you was ready and made it happen we both have scored good. How could I forget even in the staff party you have arranged VIP pass for me and we have had an awesome time at Soltee hotel. That was the time when I get chance to meet most of the top celebrities of Nepal. But, I am not silly friend for anyone anymore, that was just meant for you. Even I can’t be nicely silly for a year,I came to abroad for further study but I was waiting you here. I never felt waiting is synonym of tomorrow which never comes. 

I will try my best to make it happen to make documentary which we had planned and you wanted to study Journalism (specialising in film, video and photography). I won’t let that go, this time I can’t make it, while I was in Nepal but someday I will definitely visit those places which we had planned to visit like madman. Very few people will remember whoever we lost their closed ones. It is bitter truth. It is not surprise that I miss your presence I always feel you are somewhere with the lights, in the air, in the same sky which I see everyday and the dancing cloud which follow me every moment. I do not want you to come in my dream that will make me feel bad because you are always with me while I am awake and I always feel good you are in my surrounding and laugh with me, cry in my pain, sleep in my tiredness, cherish in my happiness and be a part of my silly things as always. You are never lost and wont let it happen. It is not my promise because you are always with me.

There are many people in this world, there are many difficulties in this world, there are many possibilities in this world. At the same time, there are many tracks to achieve our dream. There are many possible track to achieve our dream. Most of the things happen for the reason. It is sometime too late to find out we need to change our track, our dream. Sometime we are scared to change our dream. We have a fear of failure, or fear of getting closer to our dream. But we forget that it was actually not for us. I don’t mean to say life is on air. It is not easy to express yourself. It is not easy to fix the situation. But remember it is always easy to talk. It is always easy to give big talk.

Now there will be no big talk, 2012 October have shattered my dream. I need to change my plan. I need to keep those birds in birds place, rainbow in rainbow’s place. Kantipur Complex’s canteen in same place, because if I wait any other person that won’t be like waiting you. This is right time to understand Railway track is not straight though it is bending or changing its track but it let us feel it is running straight, it taught me big lesson that sometime you fail and hard to achieve though it seems so close to success. Whatever happens, it always happens for good, but this does not applies in your lost, this is consoling line for pessimistic thinker. I won’t be waiting for that reason but I will change the track of my plans and try to walk along, let’s see how far it will lead. You are my friend and will always remain friend you are not here physically but you are immortal. I am here because it was your courage and plan to come abroad otherwise one villager from lower class family with lots of responsibilities have to think take permission from rich people even to think about abroad. But you made it happen in one go. I fly for abroad and Prabin even didn’t waited me to thank you?

Leftover friend,

अविर, मृत्यु र अामा

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म कात्रो  अाेडेरै सुत्छु ।

एकाेहाेराे शंख

टु ऊ ऊ ऊ ऊ ऊ ऊ ऊ

बजेकाे सुने – ब्युँझन्छु

बजिनै रहयाे भने

मलामी जम्मा हुन्छन् ।

जप्दै:

सर्वधर्मान्परित्यज्य मामेकं शरणं व्रज |

अहं त्वां सर्वपापेभ्यो मोक्षयिष्यामि मा शुच: || ६६||

यत्र तत्र सर्वत्र घण्टाहरु बज्छन ।

अाकाश गर्जिएकाे छ

झम्टिएझै लाग्छ

छैन डर त्रास अाकाङ्क्ष –

अाशाका क्लेस सम्म पनि रहेन्

जिजिविषाहरु चट्टना भैसके ।

सारा ब्रम्ह्मण्ड लागिपरेकाे छ

लैजा काल – टप्प टिपेर

माटाेकाे शरिर

झरेका छन् फूल र अविर दाेवाटै भरी

राम राम जप्दै

श्रीखण्ड र चन्दनकाे चितामा – दनदनि

एक मुठी खरानी – ढिकुराकाे लागी ।

अनि

कर्दले ताछीएका

मलामिका नाङ्गा टाउकाे सेक्न

अर्काे बिहानि हुन्छ ।

फेरी कुश उम्रन्छन्

तामामा ठाेसा पस्छन्

अर्को घाराे  बन्छ ।

सेताे पहेंला कात्राे तुनिन्छ ।

खयर

कालारुपी चट्याङ्ले

खप्परमा बज्र नहानेसम्म – हामी जिऊछाैं ।

फगत

अाकाशमा उडदा

समुन्द्रमा तैरंदा

अारुका रुखहरु फुल्दा

सुनखरी झुल्दा

इन्द्रकमल मगमगाऊदा

संगै भुल्ने रमऊने मन

डाँकाे छाडेर रुदैन् – लाच्छि

ढाेङ्गमा भुलिन्छ ।

भिरकाे टुप्पोमा

अग्ला सग्ला मानिसहरु

भुनभुनाई रहेछन्

‘इयं विसृष्टिर्यतऽआबभूव यदि वा दधे यदि वा न |

योऽअस्याध्यक्ष: परमे व्योमंत्सोऽअंग वेद यदि वा न वेद || ७ ||’

तर्सिए – अाँखा पिलिक्क खाेल्दै

प्रसाव पिडामा

अामा बेस्सरि रुन्छिन्

असह्य – याेनी च्यातेर शिशु जन्मन्छ ।

फेरी छैठिकाे दिन – भाग्य लेखिन्छ ।

त्यसै दिनबाट अामाकाे

सिरानी कहिल्यै सुक्दैन् ।

(Source of Bhagvad gita chanting http://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/chapter/18/verse/66

and image credit http://www.bhagavadgita.eu/en/?cat=7)

The dim light.

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Dear Anu,

Luckily, in this constitution there is nothing included regarding love. I thank to constitution makers otherwise we would be criminal and could face the punishment. Either you or me have to case our issue of love in the court.. 

Do you want to kDSC_1913now what feelings I had while I saw you have unblocked me in Facebook? Though there is no love at all still you was seeking for the attention or you was missing me like a hell. Or you was missing those long messages while you wake up, or my silly gossip which brings smile in your lips. Such messages which includes love, daily life, sharing, let’s say could be readable by everyone. I never wrote you such private message which you need to find the place to hide. I always loved to be your co worker, friend, family, in simple word, we feel so comfortable to share everything. I always wanted you to feel proud with what you have, what you are doing, with whom you love. 

I never believed that nurses have attitude. Because I met girls who are in medical field. My love story begins from Health Assistance, first medical person in my life who taught me a lot of medical terms. Actually many things.  She choose to live her life in abroad, my ambition was to work in the rural area of Nepal. So, it does not worked. We still talk to each other, our understanding was to live our life happily. I am no one to make decision of her life. She talks to me, help me while I need, I talk to her, we are still a good friend.

While I was in college, I met final year MBBS student. We had so good understanding. We always leave our academic background aside and tried to spend quality time, wherever we go, what ever we do  but everything was marvellous. Those days we never missed drama of Gurukul. Tea talk and gathering of all artist was the best part. We used to spend hours there by talking. Now, I can see all those artists are playing in the movie. 

No doubt there is pros and cons in everyones life. As a good listener you always enjoyed my conversation. We had a long distance relationship but I never felt we were actually far. Being too good, I let you free like a bird. You flew so far that there was no time for you to come back to me so you choose the pharmacist or doctor. Actually, it was not easy for you to play in two boat either. In reality the truth is we have unlimited desires and to achieve it we are ready to do anything.

I still remember while I was in relationship with doctor she used to share a lots of unbelievable cases of teen patients. She never told me that I am not in the same field or I don’t have equal qualification. I still remember, in those days I was student of People’s campus. But, I have something which she likes, that is the reason she was happy with me. I am not comparing you with anyone. I kept everyone in different part of my life and those stories are lesson for me. I don’t want to go back because I can’t get them back. I never regretted for my past because those decisions were made by us. Off course every one have their own story, I had mine. But today…….. you left me like I was criminal. I even don’t know the proper reason. Or, everyone’s heart is like this to leave anyone like you did. Whenever you feel you leave him/her. I could understand if that was short term, but in four year time except physical relation every single conversation we have occurred. 

By the time, I have finished this blog I thought to share this link of blog via message but unfortunately you have blocked me again. This is the tragedy of internet and the feeling which is hidden inside you, is burning you. We both have not shared what we had felt except the guy after earthquake enter in your life. I know everyone have ego, hope your ego will melt some day, because ego will definitely burn inside and it is not shareable, if you have shared our love story to anyone still its not believable. I don’t want to be like “Sarubhakta” because he dedicated his life for his girlfriend Sarita, and his name was Bhakta. Finally he gave his title and wrote his name as “Sarubhakta” half girlfriends name and half his name. Everyone can guess how much love he had for his love. He wrote many famous novel one of the best novel of everyone is “Pagal Basti” Which was republished more than 10 times. I can’t be like that because I don’t have any quality like he does and I can’t be doctor because that is never my interest. I love to live peaceful life with happy family. I always thought you are best for my life because, I have never seen attitude in you. 

It’s amazing, and this blog might seems so dramatic cause by the time I am composing this blog I am talking with you. I wish you a happy birthday. Hope your dream comes true. I am among one well wisher who is more than happy than other to see your success. 

Waiting,

-Suraj

Girl with Secret Love

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Dear Anuz,

It’s so surprising and unexpected incident recently happened between you and me. I even can’t believe that at the last moment I got to know the truth and you never thought to told about it. Everyone were so friendly and so easy going staffs. Everyone have lots of respect and I used to put objection in any thought if that need to be cleared. Everyone used to love my conversation. I used to make cracked jokes. All team members used to listen me and laugh with my humour. Not only that everyone could take my joke.

The moment  when you walk in from the car, wearing sun glasses. I never hear your greetings to any staffs. I used to feel really strange! Why you was not greeting anyone? You used to walk straight towards the counter? Later on I found out that there was kind of division at work place. None of them have started that tradition. 

The best part while I work with everyone is everyone wants to have different dish. Everyone appreciate and love the different dish which we all used to cook for everyone. In last week, you fancy dish cooked by me. What a wonderful world; you used to be so picky in dish. I am so happy to see that. I am happy that you liked that food. This is possible only after you like that food. 

Now, time was slowly rotating clockwise, even you used to stand behind the door and listen the conversation. I can still remember you was laughing in my conversation.

Finally, there was the day when you spend your most of the time in the kitchen. The girl who does doesnot even love to stand for 2 minute spend 2 hour easily testing tomato pickle, and preparing potato curry for all the staffs. What a wonderful world. I really love your honesty and you didn’t even hide what you have in your heart. Here I am not saying that you did wrong. 

There must be someone to create the environment, set up the workplace culture at work place. Even I know you do work and give a hand to other staff when in need. Not only that you are clever too. Clever in the sense you know how to handle customers. 

“I still remember you said to me let’s not put ginger in it.” I loved your closeness. I loved another moment  I said “come on taste this pickle”, you was rushing to get the spoon to taste the pickle. Once, twice, thrice, finally you might have felt awkward and you suggested me to ask to someone else too. You didn’t realise that you was lost there. You actually lost on me. There is nothing bad in doing that. I am sharing the good moment which I spent while I was working there. 

At the end of the day, you didn’t have that courage to stop me from going and I can’t guess and stay. It’s time to fly now from UK. After few hour I will be boarding in the flight for Germany. You will be reading this blog. This is beautiful world, with beautiful people around.  

With Love,

Me

Novice Thougt

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Its time to modify the definition of my ambition. I have already lived almost half of my life. So what I am actually waiting for? Where are my those friends who miss me, message me invite me and gave me false hope of support? Someone waited me in Australia, some friends from Japan, even from USA. Even closer countries from UK like Belgium, Sweden, Norway, France, Lithuania, Portugal, friends from Israel. And everyone were close to me, even some of my friends gave me an idea to apply Qatar, Dubai as I have education of Uk. Everyone used to talk about happy life, good earning and better life. But, when I am ready, now most of the things seems miserable. Those hope from my friends turned into dream. One bad dream. Hope has turned into thunder, a big thunder, which has no meaning than destruction.

If I be honest I stop trusting myself. My expectation, belief, courage, desire, ambition were too cheap. It has no meaning than big talk while I share with other. It sounds good to listen but in reality even I can’t make that happen. A small clue will help me a lot to find the way of my success and I want to think higher. I love to make my own way and reach the destination. Even while I am composing this blog still thinking really big? One step in my life will lead me far ahead.

Life in UK begins with education and now it’s ending with money. In 4 years time, time has changed, I have spend thousands of hour in this country. In this thousand hour I have just earned thousands of Rupees. Those notes of thousand are valueless-comparing to my ambition. Ambition to raise the voice of society. Raise the voice of those people in Haiti, Russia, Europe, USA, Asian countries. Think higher, but not taller than your own height. I forget to be taller but thinking is still higher.

To write about myself is not easy. I myself feel I am too simple. And do I am still thinking that I can walk along with the dream of being admirable person! Do I still have a hope that I will raise voice of needy people (who are struggling even to afford enough food for the family), support to people of remote areas of Nepal. Work along with the project and show them the technique to be sustainable. Do I still carry my belief which I had shared proudly in front of classroom, with friends? How can I still carrying on same ambition? Its shame on me. I stepped back and thought myself, I am far away from my destination. My path to my destiny is totally different from where I could be or where I want to be. It is totally different. Now, its too late to turn back, or the path of money and the path of satisfaction is not related to each other. They are rivals in my life. I don’t know when I take this path of money. How and when did wealth related to my ambition? And this hope inside me still knocks me and whisper “There is always one chance in everyone’s life and you have not got even single take”. One foolish asking to another foolish mind. How long shall I walk with hope? 

And, I said to myself, “What a wonderful world.” Finally, I have decided to live this life. I will be witness of my own life. I will live my life in the way this world wanted me to live. I will still smile, be happy, make people happy, love everyone and give respect to everyone. There is no harm in loving everyone.

“One day you will stop telling lie, and start loving yourself. The day you will love yourself will start giving respect to others too. That day even you will say-what a wonderful world!!”

(Unedited)